untitled in Diary

I’m so tired today. For some reason, I seem to be incapable of going to bed on time on Sunday nights. I think the idea of the weekend being over rubs me the wrong way. It’s like I’m a stubborn kid, or something. Being overtired like this makes it impossible for me to know how I really feel about anything. I tend to have either a negative or an indifferent attitude toward most everything.

I know I already talked about needing to find another job last entry, but it’s still on my mind. Sometime this week I really need to make it happen and actually submit some applications. My laziness is a problem, though. Not just with my lack of initiative in applying for another job, but with my life in general. It’s difficult for me to do much of anything, it seems, other than what is easy or is right in front of me. A lot of “I should do this” or “I should do that” goes on in my mind.

Maybe I’m depressed. I don’t even know. Right now I can’t tell, on account of my tiredness. But I think I am depressed. What I do know for certain is that I’m not happy with my life, the way it is now. The way I’m living, the choices I’m making, all the things I’m neglecting or ignoring all add up. I need to change but I don’t know how. Maybe I’m incapable of change. I don’t say that to be self deprecating. Honestly I’m just not sure I am able to change.

Well, I’m going to try. I have to. If this entry makes me sound down and out, I’m sorry. I don’t feel badly other than just being tired.