Even keel in Dear John

John came round last night, as he said he would, and all is well. He was barely through the door before he wrapped me in a big hug and whispered that he had missed me after not seeing me the night before.

I know this boy is a good one, I know he's a keeper. I need to just not be mental. Or just tell him when I am being mental and that it's not because of him, it's because I'm so used to going into defence mode, I'm so used to being let down and trampled all over, I'm so used to people just ignoring my calls because they're too busy enjoying themselves with someone else, or ringing me when they know I'll be in bed and they won't have to see me.

I knew when he hadn't replied to my messages that it was because his battery had died. I knew he was doing a leather job - did I mention he restores/cleans leather?! - and didn't have his charger with him. I know it would absolutely break his heart if he thought I was even thinking that he had anything less than good intentions, and I absolutely know that all he has are good intentions.

I suppose you can't just undo a decades worth of damage overnight. I love John, every minute of being with him makes me giddy. And I do need to realise that he'll call me, he'll reply to my messages, he's true to his word. I have absolutely no reason to have any doubts about this man. It's my own crazy mind panicking because I'm used to people treating me like crap and like I'm not a priority.

I've not been treated like a princess since Tim, and we broke up seven years ago. Since then it's been a well catalogued string of disasters and horrors. John treats me like a princess, I should be savouring every moment of that. I've met someone who makes me happy. He messages me and it makes me smile, I don't have to worry about what he's going to say, I can just enjoy him, enjoy our relationship. I need to just chill out!

Xx