In Vino Veritas. in And The Rest.
- June 5, 2015, 4:22 p.m.
- |
- Public
Welcome to reality, you false-faced little travesty: you’re a statistic in stupidity.
Surfacing, sucking your thumb with a dirt-dry desert mouth, still sticky with syrupy, stale Amaretto and sickly-sour shame; needle-drips pinning your pathetic patchwork arms, still sordidly streaked with the greasy-grey grime of the pavement you passed out on.
Scraping open broken eyes against the heaviness of a hungover headache and the clinically-cold, whitewashed sterility of hospital lighting. Reborn to early morning as Dilapidated Drunken Barbie, bedraggled and debauched by the mindless distress of idiotic excess, in last night’s torn tights and your dumb-dolly dress; take a look at yourself: you’re a sordid, seedy, shameful mess.
You’re a stupid little renegade, admiring every step in retrograde reflected in the bathroom mirror; the hollow prizes dredged from the silt at the bottom of a shallow pool of self-obsession. Those ladder-rung ribs running up your throat; they’ll choke you as you knock back your prescribed chemical smiles with a vodka chaser. An empty stomach and intoxication, the only substitutes for self-esteem you seem to understand; hand-in-hand undoing you, they’ll ruin you.
You think you’re still young and invincible, growing old disgracefully in your distasteful faceful of showy cement camouflage; clinging grim, battered nails to the tattered coat-tails of your youth as it leaves with the breeze. Spritz yourself with the eau de toilette of ageing desperation and try running after the kids in your too-short dress and too-tall heels: you’re pathetic.
Your little friends look after you. The girl barely old enough to vote, who holds your hand on the filthy floor and cries tears of drunken fear. The girl with her teeth still traintracked in orthodontic braces, who apologises to the paramedics and says carefully, I don’t think she eats properly. Twelve years your junior, yet more responsible, more sensible, than you.
Keep doing the same thing and expect a different result: the definition not of insanity but inanity, hideous idiocy, downright stupidity. In a sickening cyclical circle, you replicate your own mistakes, repeatedly- too frequently- reliving every one in turn; you’re laughable: you never learn.
A. Nony Mouse ⋅ June 05, 2015
I would love to copy bits of this into a note & tell you how deeply each thing you wrote was felt but there's just too much. All if it is heart wrenching shattered bits of emotion. Every word, every image, every nuance is perfectly expressed in exquisite horrendous detail.
You're amazing.
Keep fighting the fight. Maybe someday the lesson will be learned.
Waiting For Sunrise A. Nony Mouse ⋅ June 06, 2015
Thank you so much, I really appreciate the support and understanding... I do so hope I learn my lesson eventually, and learn to grow up as I grow old..
For A Limited Time Only ⋅ June 06, 2015
This was incredibly true. Incredibly moving. I've read this three times and it's just so...intense. So true.
You've got a friend here if you ever need to talk or just to vent.
Waiting For Sunrise For A Limited Time Only ⋅ June 06, 2015
Thank you so much! I'm so disgusted and embarrassed by myself for such stupid behaviour, it means a lot to have that quiet support offered without judgement. hugs
Mr. Mofo ⋅ June 07, 2015
I remember this happening to me except even though I was shitfaced I was still able to help students learn about sub atomic particles. This stuff happens everywhere so seriously don't sweat it. Except over here we shout, Amurica!" while we do it.
I believe that it would be good for you to be there for those youngsters when they fall. Everybody falls...except no one ever picked me up which gave me a fuckin complex.
Also, I talked to those kids and they all think you should sleep with me...I don't think they understand that I would wear you out in the sack, but they still said, "Oyyy Mofo, You and Sunrise should have a right proper go at it"!
Park Row Fallout ⋅ June 09, 2015
I probably say this too much but... your writing activates so many areas of my brain at once it is often difficult for me to process emotionally, lol. Like... the words play in my head so long that, even though I want to reach out (in whatever ways possible) and be encouraging and... return your friendship and kindness... I sometimes just sit silently as everything plays in my head. So... again... just me leaving something to say "I'm rooting for you; I'm sending as much positive energy as I can your way; but I'm sorry if I don't comment as much as I would like to."
Waiting For Sunrise Park Row Fallout ⋅ June 09, 2015
Aw, thank you so much! Every word is genuinely appreciated :)
LoveSuicide ⋅ June 10, 2015
Keep doing the same thing and expect a different result: the definition not of insanity but inanity, hideous idiocy, downright stupidity. In a sickening cyclical circle, you replicate your own mistakes, repeatedly- too frequently- reliving every one in turn; you’re laughable: you never learn.
Is this a recent experience? It has such a hollowness to this. As if you're flicking the venomous words almost out of routine. The pointed remarks made so often they are almost practiced. The words are powerful, to me, but I wonder if they are just another moment to you. ponders