I'm going to delete this entry in the morning. in In My World

I’m typing a few sentences here so that anyone who is not actually interested in what I have to say just reads the part they can see and then leaves it alone. I don’t wanna hear it tonight. I’ve had too many bad things lately.

I want to write this big long entry about body positivity and shit like that but I’m sitting here thinking “I know I’ve gained weight”. It’s really bothering me. I’m not fat and I am not saying that I am. It’s just that any weight I’ve gained is particularly in the stomach region and it’s making me feel really bad about myself.

I don’t know what to do and all I want to do is cry. I really need some reassurance that I’m not as ugly as I feel…but I don’t know how to ask anyone. I don’t wanna feel or seem attention grubby. Worse part is that boyfriends been telling me how beautiful and great he thinks I am…but the more changes I notice the more I go back to hating myself.

It just reminds me of the day I saw my ex (before we were dating) and he just goes “You’ve gained weight. It’s not a bad think I’m just pointing it out.” or the day we were talking about April and he just goes “haha you’re going to get fat”

I have always struggled with body issues…I just haven’t ever done anything about it. I don’t know what to do now…

…I just want to cry.