Today was hard in Torridaussity Two
- May 10, 2015, 8:04 p.m.
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- Public
First mother’s day without a grandma and without Helen surrogate grandma to celebrate with. SO grateful I have my mom still, but it was hard being reminded of their loss this past year.
Also hard seeing all my friends with their kids and wondering if I will ever have that.
Also hard because he says all the right things calling me his beautiful Maria, but knowing he says all the right things and does all the wrong things.
Hard because I try to meet someone who will want all of me and love me the right way and when I think maybe I met someone, he turns out to be just like everyone else.
Disturbed because the guy I once mentioned before that compliments me and said he was in love with my laugh and smile, but is engaged has asked, “is it wrong that I want to see your ass in a pair of jeans, it is wrong that I think you are sexy?”…if you have to ask is it wrong it probably is…if I was single I would be with you (this was to make me feel better about being single). I don’t need to know what would happen if x y and z happen. It doesn’t make my feelings better to know if you were single you would want me, it just reminds me of things I don’t have and if I were single sir I wouldn’t want you, because all the while I would be thinking who is he talking too, that he says things to like he says to me.
Hard because I go on my pinterest account and see wedding dresses someone has pinned and cried because I feel like I will never get to wear one.
Hard because I am feeling lost.
I do want to wish all of my friends on here who are moms a very happy mother’s day.
Last updated May 10, 2015
Cricket ⋅ May 10, 2015
hugs
Always Laughing Cricket ⋅ May 11, 2015
thanks
Deleted user ⋅ May 11, 2015
I hope you're feeling a bit better today.
Always Laughing Deleted user ⋅ May 11, 2015
thanks I am a bit better.
Small Town Girl ⋅ May 11, 2015
I 100% get this! First year after losing my grandma as well. I also get what you are saying about men who say all the right things, but their actions dont back it up. I am constantly being reminded of the fact that I am single. Hurts so much more when you have two friends getting married this year. I had to quit looking at FB cuz all I see is everyone else going on in life with their spouses and their happy little lives. And I'm over here perpetually single and trying to carry on and do things all by myself. Im house hunting, as you may know from reading my entries. It should be fun and exciting, but it isnt. I constantly feel like a loser and get frustrated because I am doing this alone. Its so hard financially to buy a house. IDK how others do it. Guess they make a lot more money than I do. But I just keep thinking this would be so much easier and funner if I was house hunting with a mate.
Always Laughing Small Town Girl ⋅ May 11, 2015
I can never get a house on what I make and glad I am not alone in these feelings, but not happy you aren't happy.
Small Town Girl Always Laughing ⋅ May 11, 2015
I get it. It is always nice to know we arent alone! :)
Always Laughing Small Town Girl ⋅ May 12, 2015
exactly
Milkwood ⋅ May 12, 2015
I'm terrified of losing my grandmother, so I really feel for you on this!
I'm glad you see these men for who they are. You may lament about not being married, but it's much worse being married to a man who's not good to you.
~~HUGS~~
Always Laughing Milkwood ⋅ May 12, 2015
I agree I know I won't settle no matter how much I want to be loved. Hugs
WomanOfSteele ⋅ May 14, 2015
I totally get the feelings in the latter half of this entry. It's hard. But then I look at the crazy situation my sister is in with her possibly soon to be ex husband and I think I 'm GLAD I'm single lol
Always Laughing WomanOfSteele ⋅ May 14, 2015
I have that bi polar stance too lol
Deleted user ⋅ May 14, 2015
I am sorry he is an ASS! I am sorry you feel lost...sending you mega hugs
Always Laughing Deleted user ⋅ May 14, 2015
thanks
Lady of the Bann ⋅ May 17, 2015
Re-reading after your notes. I have a not quite ex husband. I left him for a number of reasons, about 12 years ago but there had been nothing between us for at least eight years by then. He is my complete opposite. he is so negative and miserable and complains all the time, never did anything around the house or garden and never went out, apart from work, when he had a job. His negativity got me down and he refused to leave the house I had worked so hard for. I left him to it and took my Naomi who was still at school. I dated and after a year met Patrick, who I didn't really love but was good to me and loved me. he got bowel cancer and then motor nueron disease and died July 13. I moved back to my house 7 years ago as it was getting in bad condition and Naomi was going to go to Uni, instead she found she was pregnant and then got ill.so I kind of got stuck here, but I love my house and it was always a pull for me. I have my own room here, do all the cleaning and upkeep and live half the time with Naomi and Morgan. I started dating again and met Robert, who is a really lovely kind man and I am getting fonder of him. Going to Corfu,Greece with him in 12 days time for a weeks holiday.
Always Laughing Lady of the Bann ⋅ May 17, 2015
I am glad that things have gotten better for you through all of that and you are finding happiness :-)
Loki ⋅ May 24, 2015
Always Laughing Loki ⋅ May 25, 2015
thank you I am hugs