The return of boredom. in Other life events.

Well, life’s been odd recently, after meeting Syrina she essentially has ruined my friendship with my longtime Adam, he doesn’t have to say it but he’s clearly chose a “side” since we’ve grown distant. I guess you could say i’m past caring at least, i had grown cold to the idea of having “Real friends” a few years back. It kills me that my family was correct, when you grow up friendship stops mattering and people move onto getting jobs and girlfriends and slowly it wedges its way between you. I guess while everyone else is busy maturing i am still just kinda walking in circles.

Failed my driving test a couple weeks back, i assumed i had passed and came back to the driving test, literally everything was perfect. I unfortunately got put in the car with a spiteful 300lb man who annoyingly is so weighty his foot was hitting the clutch on the dual controls, however that didn’t sway me i just cracked on and it was awesome. Either way even though my parallel park was perfect and i assumed everything else was great; he failed me on “turning right”. He said because i didnt pull slightly to the right on a one way road crammed with cars with no traffic present i was “obstructing traffic” and the fucker failed me for it, i could of bounced his head off the windshield.

I have rebooked, so you know that’s just my luck anyway. Crushing.

Ray’s moved back up north and wants to see me, i guess as one door closes another opens or something some would say. As i said i guess i’m kind of nonchalant to friendship at the moment after everything that happened with Syrina. I’d personally prefer to be left alone but i would have to regress into just sitting in the house for months out of nothing more than spite and fear.

Anyway i decided to start exercising again since i kind of got dragged back into mmo’s and put weight back on, i suppose thats another reason i wouldn’t want to see Ray at the moment, she goes away for 3 months and comes back and i’m a disappointment when she gets back? I hate being judged.

I lose and gain weight as much as Jonah Hill so i guess its to be expected. I’m running out of things to do with my time, i don’t feel the need to socialize or even play games, i’ve watched every television series and film that could possibly interest me and now i’m struggling to even entertain myself on a daily basis. I guess it’s for the best and keeps me from being distracted, that way at 10pm i can always go for a jog and finally have a bit of fresh air and time to think.

My head always feels so cloudy and anxious inside alone, even more so outside during the day time. But at night time when theres only me and my headphones running i feel calm and relaxed, i can sit and look at the river and clear my head. I guess that’s one of the positives of exercise at least.

That’s it really, i met Sean and Ray 10 years ago when i was 13/14, i wonder if i’ll still know them in another 10 years.