I went to switch it and the clothes still had downy beads that hadn’t dissolved so I restarted it. I noticed the dryer was going and hopefully it’s emptied by the time I have to put my shit in it. I have to leave for work in about an hour and a half so I’m running out of time. I hate having to share laundry facilities with people but there’s nothing I can do about it for now.
As much as I like my alone time and figuring myself out, I do wish we had more people to hang around with. I’m social around the right people but finding them is hard as shit. It’s just so hard to find people to vibe with. I want fun people that want to go out and do things. My Mom doesn’t like to leave her house and asking her to do anything was like pulling teeth. I would be so drained even asking. It’s one thing to be a homebody but sometimes people take it way too far.
Life can be pretty boring. I wish it was easier to meet people but then I think about the people I know and I’m happy just being on my own. I hate fucking drama and bullshit. I just wish people could be more geared towards happiness and not talking about everyone when they’re not around. There’s a girl that I work with that I wish I saw more and could hang out with but she works 2 jobs and has a shit husband.
My daughter was home all last weekend including Friday because she was sick and then she’s been home since Wednesday this week. I feel bad that we don’t have more kids to come over and hang out. The neighbor came and checked on her last night and brought her cookies. I asked her to come tonight too so I hope she does. I just hope my night goes fast so I can get home to her. I wish people knew how to act right and we wouldn’t be in the situation we are now. It sucks.
I already have to leave in a little more than an hour. I’m hoping the laundry is going to be dry by then. I wish I would have gotten it done earlier but I had the worst headache and had so many other things to do. I got everything in the dryer. I’m running out of time and it’s kinda a big load so I doubt everything’s going to be dry but if it’s at least mostly dry that works.
I wish my Mom would have been a better person but she’s another one that’s shown me what kind of person she is my whole life so I don’t expect anything less. I remember when she was telling me how she’d quit her job to watch her and it’s like oh no. Not going have you telling people you HAD to quit your job to babysit and now you can’t make your bills. I’m sick of dealing with everyone that loops shit around so they are the victim. Even if she did quit her job to babysit, I would still have to worry about her deciding at the drop of a hat that she’s going to the bar.
People care until they decide they don’t. People tell you shit’s good but once they decide it isn’t, you’re supposed to just know that even though they don’t say a word. Even though they know you need childcare to keep a job. They don’t care how their selfishness affects you or your child even though they work super hard to convince you they do. People tell you shit’s good but you are supposed to be intuitive enough to know in an instant that it’s not and you need to figure something else out. I guess I’m glad that I got help for a little while but I will never forget what happened with her or my friend.
It’s unfortunate how this all turned out but at least now I don’t have to worry about it anymore. I would have appreciated honesty and communication. I got lies and no communication so I’m making the best with what I have. I’d rather my daughter be at home with all of her stuff and she doesn’t have to smell dog shit or BO. I like that she’s no longer being mistreated or ignored at my friends house. I’m also still thinking about how her and her husband were talking shit about me in front of my kid. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over that.
People seriously say and do whatever they want and even if you call them out on it, they don’t feel they are in the wrong and it’s not going to change anything at all. If all I can do to hold them accountable is to just never talk to them again, then that’s what I’m going to do. I get that there’s no point in trying to have a conversation about it but I don’t mind giving them my silence too.
It’s funny that my Mom and my friend probably think I’ve just quit my job because I don’t have childcare. It’s funny that they are probably hoping I lose my car and I’ll just be stuck because I’m not reliant on them. It’s pretty gross that the people that claim to love you are hoping for your downfall. Even though I have a child and she’s affected by all the choices I make. It’s sad that once people feel wronged they just get hateful and vindictive. It shows me that no one cares as much as they play.
My Mom said in a text one day that it’s selfish I’m keeping her from her granddaughter. Well, I think it’s selfish that not ONCE has she asked what I’m doing about a sitter too. I also never said she couldn’t see my child, I just said my child will no longer be at her house. It’s not my fault she doesn’t want to waste her gas to come over and doesn’t want to ever leave her house. She got too used to everything being on her terms. That’s her problem, not mine.
I shouldn’t have ever had her watch my child at her house. I was in a really bad spot. We were homeless and even after I got my place, she still wouldn’t watch her outside of her house. It just pisses me off how much she knew I didn’t want my daughter around my little brother but she didn’t care. It’s just hard as a Mom when everyone acts like they can’t hear you or your concerns don’t align with their narrative. I asked if she could even watch her one night at my place and she made sure it didn’t happen. She was telling me how she had food in the crock pot and blah blah blah and I didn’t dare say anything because I had to leave for work.
My Mom’s like that too. If she doesn’t want to do something, she just doesn’t do it. I just wanted my daughter to be in her own house for 1 night and get a break from the dog hair, dog shit and the body odor. Nope, she couldn’t make that sacrifice for one night. I’m talking 6 hours max too. I can’t even begin to describe how pissed I was. I had absolutely no say in anything. I remember driving to work that day wanting to bust something. I refuse to be around anyone that makes me feel like I’m irrelevant and my concerns don’t matter. I will never tolerate that again.
I just hung up laundry all over. Everything is still damp and I’m ready to blow up. I had to run the shit through the washer twice and then nothing got dry because it was a bigger load. If the stuff from my Mom’s house wouldn’t have stunk, I wouldn’t have had to wash it! Everything smelled like musty dog feet. I’m still so pissed that she kept telling me my daughter didn’t have a certain shirt there or other pants and yet, the same shit I talked about came back! Obviously it wasn’t at my house and I had to spend a pretty penny buying her more clothes because someone kept lying saying the shit wasn’t there when I knew all along that it was!
It’s crazy how someone can lie and it just costs you money. Like I didn’t have enough bills and shit to worry about paying but yeah, I don’t mind buying my daughter damn near a brand new wardrobe when I KNEW all of her shit was over there! It was such a motherfucker having her do our laundry and that will never happen again. The good news is that those clothes will probably still fit. I know at least 4 pairs of those pants she only wore once and I bought them brand new! It’s also rude that nothing was folded and it all stunk. So it’s like she wanted to make sure that I was going to have to spend money to wash it all.
People have literally gone out of their fucking way to ensure that I don’t have any money. I seriously believe it’s their mission. Another reason to stay the fuck away from everybody. She knew all those clothes smelled and still returned them like that. Most of it was even my daughter’s so again, how much did she care?! People will help but again, it comes with conditions. Once shit isn’t the way they want it and it doesn’t fit their narrative, they turn mean and vindictive. I think she was pissed that I asked her to just put it outside because I didn’t want to go in and smell BO and dog shit. Well, take care of your place so it’s not gross maybe?
I leave for work soon. I’m ready to get there and get it over with. I really hope it’s a good night because I’m not into it today but I have to go.
Sometimes I wish I didn’t come back here. I love the area, just not the people I’ve had in our lives. People can just turn so mean, cold, and cruel at the drop of a fucking hat. I struggle to wrap my head around it. They just don’t give a fuck, even if it affects your child that did nothing wrong.
She knows I pay to do laundry here. She has a washer, dryer and doesn’t pay for water or electric. She definitely could have washed it all and gave it back clean. But I made her mad because I don’t want my kid there and she chose to run to the bar while watching my kid. Makes sense. I pray to God that fucking bitch never shows her face around me again. She created a shit storm and tried to make me feel like I was the problem for cutting her off. Fuck her. I fucking hate that bitch. I’ve never thought too highly of her anyway and I’m never going to forget all this shit either. Who the fuck wants to watch a kid and then decides while you’re at fucking work that they need your child picked up so they can hit the bar but you’re not to get mad about that?
Again, she didn’t care if I lost my job and how that would have affected my KID! I have every fucking right to be mad and make other arrangements for my child so it doesn’t happen again. I know to her this is a minor thing but to me, it’s my stability for my child. I don’t have anyone to rely on for money and I have to make it happen on my own. So yeah, it’s a huge fucking deal. I would have understood if there was a car accident or a medical emergency but needing to go drink while someone is at work was absolutely absurd. Even my friend understood my anger but still doesn’t think I should cut her off. Well, I do. After everything she’s done all these years, I do believe that was the last fucking straw.
I still haven’t gotten my belt or my straws so I’ll have to scrape up money to replace all that too. Some of those straws I’ve had for 10 years. I haven’t lost nearly enough in all this and I will make sure NOTHING like this happens again. It shouldn’t be a big fucking drama to get your stuff from someone. I’ve gotten pretty good at not getting emotionally attached to material things but what I do have left, I would like to fucking have it! It’s just maddening that she knew exactly what we went through and still chooses to cost me even more money!
Anyways, I gotta go. I’ll write later or tomorrow.
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