other things
The Cosmic Tower team came to our town and, even as we didn’t have that many people show up (4), I learned more than I counted on just in the first few minutes when they arrived. Nico showed me the P3P pendulum which is just a modified horizontal pendulum. And what it measures… A higher harmonic of the BG3.
Then, he showed me a crystal that, as I pointed to it to ask what it was, nearly knocked me out.
I reeled back from it sitting there on the table, my head spinning like someone took my senses and rattled them about so that my reasoning left.
The story is that the crystals were from Arkansas, taken to Egypt and programmed in the Queen’s chamber of the Great pyramid for 2 days as a paladean ship charged them from overhead.
Idk about that of course. All I know is that they are very reactive. I asked to have one and was given 3.
That same day I experienced a lot of this peculiar feeling that comes over me- a feeling of having to work on something rather than just be aware of my feelings.
It’s a very subtle and hard to pin down kind of anxiety. I just can’t seem to walk away. There is a strong unconscious pull. I became more aware of it today. It’s a really funny feeling. While knitting my son’s sweater, I began to think that I wouldn’t have enough yarn to finish it. And I only have one skein left. I began to think that if I didn’t take the other end of the skein to start on the sleeves, that I’d run out on the sleeves and one would be shorter than the other-!
As this was happening, I set the project down and just looked at it. My mind was running away with these hare brained contrivances. The is a very specific mental anxiety feeling that fueled this mental escapade. It’s an endless chain of if-this-then-that’s which lead to some idiotic solution that is patched and rewritten so many times there’s no rational basis at all.
I wonder if this is how people go insane
I have been working through my family tree of miasms. My mom’s side has a lot of schizophrenics. Suicides. Insanity. Depressive manics. Even though I have a lot of it suppressed, it’s still there. It may be coming out since I took that carsinosin. Even the Nat mur 1M awhile ago. Whatever the reason, it’s surfacing. I stopped myself from doing the crazy thing with the sweater. But I didn’t stop myself yesterday.
Consequences of crazy is crazy.
Still, I woke up today with an incredible sense of gratitude. I can actually see these little exercises as opportunities to become aware of what was happening- the crazy mind anxiety thing- and to recognize the feeling.
Oh and today I hit a woodchuck 💀 I felt so bad. It just ran out and there wasn’t a dang thing I could do. I saw it in the mirror and hoped it had just bounced off.
Driving home.. nope. Dead chuck in the road.
Thinking about how terrible and meaningless such a death must be, I suddenly realized it wasn’t terrible or meaningless at all. A woodchuck is an animal, yes, but not stupid-not it’s soul- and not meaningless. It had a purpose in interacting with a human. Perhaps it wanted to engage and sacrifice it’s short life for the chance to have that human interaction. That is, after all, how animals evolve and develop their soul essence to higher coherence. Through humanity. Just as humanity evolves and develops through striving toward the angelic…
As soon as I realized this, I felt the presence of that woodchuck. It was not unhappy with me, and seemed quite delighted that I had become aware of it. It had chosen well, it seemed, when it ran out into the road when it did… It asked to stay with me. I said, yes, sure, and I felt a peculiar sensation over my left shoulder. I imagined a little furry animal shape in the astral snuggling on my left shoulder.
I am reminded how my trivial sympathy comes of thinking down about the other life forms. Animals do need us, yes, but they are not worse, not even worse off. I incorrectly have categorized them as nothing but victims of humanity. When in fact, they are some of our greatest teachers, friends, and allies. And sometimes even adversaries worthy of the battle, for some humans. Some of them have managed to develop themselves to a greater degree while some humans have managed to languish and devolve into something worse. Every small gain upward is a divine action, no matter where it started or ended. And every small loss downward is a destructive action toward all of life, even when committed by a high angel. Or God.
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