My daughter and I slept most of yesterday. I have ran on fumes for so long that I think it was wonderful to take a day to just rest and catch up on sleep. My daughter didn’t want to go yesterday and I was completely fine with that.
I’m really huge on my boundaries now. I have decided that I’m either going to have healthy relationships with people or I won’t have relationships at all. My daughter and I have been through the absolute ringer with everyone and I have decided that she’s going to see me being respected or me being by myself.
Last night I was texting with this guy that I met on FB dating. He starts out texting sexual things and I tell him that my kid goes through my phone and he just kept on so I blocked him. I will not stand for someone to completely disregard my boundaries and continue a conversation with them. I am not that lonely or desperate. I will block people just as fast as when I start talking to them. It’s just really disgusting to start off talking to people like that regardless. My feelings towards affection are pretty cold and I’ve lived without being touched for quite some time and I would prefer to just have a normal, adult conversation and worry about sex and whatever after we’ve actually met!
My problem is I’m getting older and I didn’t get to have boundaries with anyone for one reason or another and now, it’s an absolute must. I will never again allow anything that I don’t have to. I don’t have to tolerate a single thing I do not like.
I’m cleaning today and getting laundry done. I do realize that as much as I love my job, I can’t do it forever and I’m brainstorming ideas on different jobs and even going back to school. Honestly I don’t want to live in low income apartments forever and I want to make a decent living. I didn’t make much over the weekend and every night it’s hit or miss. I am pretty broke after paying for brakes on the car and it’s driving me crazy.
The other day I was having a conversation with a co-worker about boundaries and dating. He said there’s plenty of men that would treat me way better than my ex did and how I need let let things happen naturally. I’m really thinking he’s probably right. I firmly believe that I’m going to be single for a good amount of time because it’s not easy to meet a decent person. It’s not easy even trying to find friends. My situation is a big different than most people because I’m not divorced or in recovery from drinking or drugs.
I’ve talked to enough men on FB dating to realize that being single is probably the way to go. All of them have some major reason as to why they are single and you can usually pin point it long before you even meet them. I want an adult and someone who speaks to me as as adult. I don’t care to discuss sex or affection before I meet someone face to face. I want to just go out to dinner and get to know someone and see if there’s even a spark first. I’m the type of person where the more comfortable I am with someone, the better all of it’s going to be and most of the time these men want things to move way too fast and then I just shut down and quit talking to them.
Most of the people I know are single and don’t have friends. I get it. As much as I want to have relationships with other people, it seems like most of them want everything their own way and then it just doesn’t work. I think most people are emotionally abusive in their own way and treat everyone like shit and that’s why they don’t have anyone. I am going to have normal, healthy relationships with whoever I am friends with or I have no problem just sticking to myself.
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