The day after I wrote last was actually a good day. Work was easy, I got to spend a good bit of time by myself (I was jam clearing, and if things are running smoothly I don’t have a ton to do.) Anyway, after work I went to my dispensary and one of the guys who works there who’s friends with Matt and I on social media was working- he hooked me up with about $100 worth of gummies and topical lotions, cbd creams, all kinds of stuff. Such a sweet gesture! I cried like a bitch when I got back to the car, but happy tears are always good.
Actually, now that I think about it, Friday, Saturday and Sunday were all pretty good days, too. Friday I filed my claim for my critical illness insurance. When I got it, I really got it with our parents in mind- like if I had to go to NC to possibly be a caretaker or something- never thought I’d need it for myself, but I’m so grateful that I have it! So I got the process for that started nd uploaded all the necessary paperwork. Honestly? Such a relief! I’ve always been big on getting extra insurance. You just never know. And since Matt got off of my policy this past year and now has his own, I had upped my coverage. Thanks past me! 😂
Saturday after work I came home and Matt and I settled in to watch our shows (Invincible and The Boys, which, unfortunately we’re almost already caught up on) but I fell asleep. Matt said I passed out less than 15 minutes into the episode lol. I slept straight through til Sunday morning- I woke up with a cat putting her paws on my face lol. It felt like she was petting me. I’ll be honest, I didn’t really mind it lol.
We didn’t go out Sunday for Mothers Day because we just thought it would be too shit showy, but Monday we took my mother in law to First Watch for breakfast. I love that place! I usually get the Eggs Benedict with smoked salmon (I’m bougie like that) but this time I got a waffle and it was delicious. We also always get an order of this lemon blueberry cornbread that they make and it is to fucking die for!!!!!
Monday afternoon I had to get an MRI. I’ve never had one before. I didn’t mind the actual MRI itself (I was lying facedown in the machine and I just kept my eyes closed the entire time). I didn’t love the sound, I’ll be honest, but it could’ve been worse. For me the really awful part was getting the IV.
I am terrified of needles. I’m extremely squeamish, I hate getting blood taken, like, it legit grosses me out beyond belief. So I mentioned to the nurse that I might faint and he was so gentle and nice. I really always do my best to avoid looking, but I just saw this nasty ass catheter thing sticking out of my arm, so I did end up fainting, but they couldn’t have been any kinder. Put an ice pack on the back of my neck, brought me water and some crackers, offered to reschedule, like they really were so nice.
Sometimes after I faint I get a little loopy and I don’t always remember everything that happens. Matt was in the waiting room (he wasn’t allowed back) but he heard the doctor come in and ask me if I was alright, and apparently I was like, “Man…. I don’t fuckin know.. I didn’t mean to curse at you, I should be nice.” 😂
I haven’t gotten the results yet, but I guess that’s typical? I’ve never had an MRI before so I don’t know what the standard response time is for something like that. Guess I’ll just keep waiting 🥴
One thing that really stood out to me yesterday- when I was in the waiting room for the MRI, it was me and three other women, all breast cancer. Two were old and one girl looked to be around my age. We’re all sitting there in our gowns and surgical socks with HGTV on in the background and no one said a word. I can’t imagine what we would’ve talked about, but it felt like I was at a slumber party that no one wanted to be at.
After I fainted, I was lying on a gurney hidden behind a sheet and I started to cry a little bit. Not loudly , but I was definitely having some “why me” thoughts rolling around in my brain. And then this woman comes in, and she’s bald. Sat down with the phlebotomist like they were old friends, didn’t even flinch at anything, and everything about watching the way this woman handled herself just really spoke to me. If this bald, terminally ill woman can come in and get through her day like that then surely I can pull myself together. And I did and it felt good.
This really is scary. And I have moments where I’m pissed and sad and all of these other things.
But the last couple of days overall have been good, and for that I’m so thankful.
Anyway, it’s late and I have to be up at the asscrack of dawn.
Nighty night ya’ll
💋
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