I was at work last night where I only made $31 because it was so slow and I was thinking about how the lack of accountability is the reason for most things to end badly. I have a couple co-workers that got into it Friday night and from what I gather, there’s no accountability for at least one of them. I think a lot of people end up alone and die alone due to their lack of accountability and a lot of bad things happen to people because they refuse to own up to the part they’ve played.
The more I’m by myself and on my own, the more thinking I do. I realize that my past relationship only worked because I shrunk myself down, didn’t address his behavior like I should have, tolerated more than what was acceptable, and made myself believe that maybe just maybe he’ll see how he’s fucking up and will start to treat me better. I also went into debt to pay his bills when the more I did, the more he expected me to do. He didn’t have to do anything for me whatsoever. He liked that I was independent and didn’t ask him for a fucking thing. I remember him telling me that he resented me for watching my daughter while I was at work and I wanted to let him know that I resented him for the fact that every single dollar I earned, went right back into our household.
I was up way too early today but I’m going to my Mom’s pretty soon. I’m tired as fuck and I really hope work is way more busy than last night. I’m definitely struggling this week and my crash out is coming but I also think about how I’m not spending money on someone’s alcohol daily and I don’t have added daily expenses to be in a relationship anymore. I look back now and I still don’t know how the fuck I survived what I did.
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