It was a long day. There were several big name artists moving about the theater. I was already a nervous wreck because I wasn’t sure if my voice would hold up.
I made it thru soundcheck and ended up thinking that this was going to be great. However, I have this thing about me that looks for some sort of opposition. Like, if energy is made up of positives and negatives then if what I’m doing is the right thing, something is going throw opposition to what I’m doing. If it doesn’t and everything just goes off without a hitch - then was what I was doing really that significant? If it was something would be trying to stop it. So, to calibrate my motivation - I’m looking for something trying to stop me. If what I’m doing isn’t worth some force in my way then I am not making a huge impact.
Instead of, The Devil made me do it, and always looking for an evil way of getting ahead - I see it as I’m trying to do something good and if it’s not worth the devil trying to stop me, then it’s all for nothing.
I make it passed soundcheck - grabbed lunch. Like Dusty Slay, I’m having a good time. I’m hanging out with some of the band back at the hotel. I’m catching up on some work I’ll have to do on Wednesday before checking out of the hotel. We all get ready and head back to the theater. For a long time I was the guy standing in the corner getting focused on what I was about to do. That was actually me going to my safe space wanting to be seen but hiding in plain sight. I hit that green room with all those artists and some I grew up listening to. Some even recognized me and struck up a conversation.
It was about time to take the stage. 30 seconds! The stage manager cued us to get ready. The introduction came and I felt something grab my throat. It actually wasn’t nerves - or I don’t think it was because I wasn’t nervous - just ready to go. Then, the sound crew delayed our start. That 10 seconds of having to remain still while they checked video playback and production was like an eternity with people staring at ya. The music finally kicked off and we are off and running.
I always want to do my best because I feel like I represent something.... someone - bigger than I am. And knowing that the sound snafu happened makes me realize - that’s the kink in the line that the negative force was using to stop me. It didn’t - meaning that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
I make it to my last note and my voice faded and knowing how that feels I pulled the mic away and no one knew what just happened. The song ended and the applause came. I haven’t been able to make a sound since. I have completely lost my voice for the rest of the night. People I have admired for years came to me after and told me the set was amazing. In my mind I’m thinking they are just being nice in front of everyone else…then, as I’m walking across the parking lot I noticed someone walking off their bus and made their way towards me. It’s someone else I have admired for a long time…walked up and said - you handled that sound malfunction like a pro but I wanted you to know I enjoyed your song.
All I could do was whisper....thanks.
I am grateful for all the good things I’ve experienced. I am happy that even though I don’t give myself much credit - this one I can enjoy.
I appreciate all the good vibes - I truly felt every one of them.
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