So I got the daughter to school and then got a couple of things at the store. I’m going to make cheeseburgers and fries for dinner. I don’t cook a lot nowadays and my Mom does our laundry. I’m excited to work tomorrow and the weekend. I have to make enough for my car insurance and car payment. My Mom and I also get our nails done now and will need a fill in the next few days. I just don’t know how much money I’m going to make but I’m going to try.
Not having a man means having more money and a lot less stress. I absolutely love that our lives don’t revolve around him anymore. Instead of getting up at 5 to cook him breakfast and pack his lunch, I get up at 6am and take a shower. I like being able to buy my daughter an outfit or pair of shoes on a random day. I like always having gas in my car and being able to afford a new vape when I need one. There’s times where I’ve bought one just because I felt like it. It’s nice going around not being threatened or called names or having to worry about someone taking their bad day out on me.
I’m not saying I never want a man again but the next time I do have one, I’m going to have someone on my terms and put every single boundary out on the table. That mf will be taught how to treat me. I will never again spend tax money on someone or use my credit cards on a man for any reason. I will never again tolerate disrespect.
He told me last night that he resented me for watching my daughter when I was at work. Well to avoid that, don’t date women with small kids maybe? I also never ‘used’ him as a babysitter. He watched her maybe a handful of times before we had moved and even when he did watch her, he’d feed her dinner and then would pass out drunk so she got herself a shower and would watch tv until 8:30 and then would put herself to bed. He didn’t really interact with her, he was just merely pissed that he couldn’t go do whatever he wanted. Again, all of this should have been brought to light way before we had gotten serious, not later after we have split up.
When we were there 2 weeks ago, he had said he didn’t want a relationship with me or anyone else. Okay, well did you realize that after I’d given up my apartment or when I moved across the country to be with you? It sounds like he felt that way long before and just hoped that feeling would go away or just didn’t care that he took my daughter and myself for a ride. I personally believe that he’s relieved that were gone but pissed that the benefits of me are too. He’s pissed that I’m no longer there with credit cards, tax refunds and paychecks.
I was just to work, cook, and clean. I was never to get upset that I never got to go anywhere. If I did say something, I would get a 20 minute lecture about how he raised kids in his 20’s and 30’s and blah blah blah. Okay well apparently, I’m not viewed as a human being with my own needs or wants and I’m to be okay with having no life outside of responsibility so I should just be single where I don’t have to watch someone go out and have fun. I honestly believe that being single is the way to go.
The good/sweet moments were getting farther and fewer between all the time and I’d question myself everyday as to why I was still there. There was zero benefit to me or my child for him and I to be together. The last couple of months I was sleeping on the couch and he’d give me the silent treatment for days if not weeks at a time. Honestly, it was over months before I left and I was holding on to someone who’d already let me go. I think he just wants someone to be at his disposal where he can drop them and pick them back up when he feels the need. He doesn’t want a relationship where he’s making any commitments or sacrifice but he’d be alright with the other person doing it all.
It’s never a good idea to combine bills or money with anyone unless you’re married because it’s easier to divide it all. I got took and all I can do is pay off my debt and make better choices next time.
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