He hurt my feelings. Stopped me from dreaming.
Own your story. My family doctor hurt my feelings. You’re on a 20-year-old’s journey. You’re 40, why did it take you so long to show up for yourself? I was already vulnerable when he said that. I dropped out of my course and surrendered.
I rebelled against the person I was. The one I was trying to be, anyway. There are no trophies. I quit veganism. I pushed friends away. I became a slut. etc. The executive dysfunction, I let it win. Everything is just piling up. I’ve been slowly chipping away at things, the urgent things, like my car.
Today I want to lock in. Bring that structure back. Some things I can’t take back. I opened myself up to my sexual side. I have a little friend coming over this evening. A 26-year-old hunk. We have great, deep conversations.
I’m finally getting the blood order done that my doctor wanted. I have to fast for it, which is too much of a task multiplier. Then I have to deal with my car when I get home. I already put $1021 worth of repairs into it. That didn’t cover the damage from the fence I hit. The adjuster already looked at it. I just need to find a shop to fix it now. I am going to try to sneak in some other issues. One other issue, really. It’s an electrical one, so fingers crossed they tie it into the other damage.
My ho phase, I did make some male friends at least. That’s what I wanted. The ones I didn’t sleep with, I still talk to anyway. I met a cutie yesterday, but I don’t know if the chemistry is there. We grabbed brunch and went thrifting. Afterward, the super leftist managed to talk me into going to his place. It was alright. I really wasn’t attracted to him. He wanted to debate after. It’s only ever worth it to debate a leftist when there is an audience. These people are inflexible. I don’t mind a diversity of ideas, which is why I am able to be friends with liberals.
Blah. Who cares. I have so much existential stuff to sort out. My little meltdown is over.
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