The straw broke the camel’s back
Just as I got to one of my participants’ houses for a drop off, he noticed that his mother wasn’t home. I called her, and she told me that she is at Children’s Emergency and needed me to drop her son off there. It’s five minutes away from my office, where we just were. I was across town. I snapped inside.
When I got home, my roommate walked in on me pacing around, talking to myself in the living room. I didn’t know she was home. I vented to her about how burned out I am. Everything bubbled up to the surface. It felt good to get it off my chest. Today, I am just in full recovery. I passed out last night before 8 PM. I started my morning with a depression nap. Then I napped again a few hours later. I feel tired and ready for another nap.
Before my first nap, I pushed away more friends, naturally. I’m burning everything down, apparently.
My day doesn’t start until I go to the gym. This is a problem. I really didn’t want to go, but this gym addiction and all takes control. It’s currently calling me back.
I honestly feel like I am just in ADHD wait mode today. I want it to be tomorrow when I’m home alone and can focus without someone else around me. That whole thing.
I’ve been texting with Christian all day. I am so confused about us. He flies back today from the East Coast. I’ve been chatting with Jean too. Oh, the tension between us is strong as well. Jared, it’s kind of a bummer that he stopped talking to me. He’s just not that into you. I tell myself. I can accept that.
I’ve been behaving, no hookups, but I’m still trying to make connections on Grindr. The hookup stuff? Kind of depressing. You make a little connection with someone, then you hook up, then they want nothing to do with you. I knew the score, it is what it is. Just stings today because everything that I’m holding in has bubbled up. I’m still making friends at least. I have a few guys on the back burner for playtime if I want. I can’t host, my roommate is never fucking gone. Probably for the best.
Ugh, lame. My life right now. I just want to feel alive, bottom line. Maybe I’ll just take some CBD oil and try to get into Elden Ring some more.
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