I think you’re taking yourself for granted. I think you think that everybody else is like you, but they’re nothing like you.
My therapist said that to me at the end of my session yesterday. He’s known me for years. I felt so flattered. Flattery gets you everywhere! That’s all I was thinking about in that moment. He wishes we could just sit and talk about whatever; he loves to pick my brain. But alas, we are trying to get me back on track.
I feel some type of way about work. Like I’m in trouble. There is nothing to suggest that I am, really. People have been coming to me to gossip and complain about everything. I gave a little bit back, which I’m on probation for. That probation is up any day now. I’m feeling upset with the managers regarding my program.
A woman showed up with her two boys, my boss’s boss was like you have an intake, did nobody tell you? My boss was out of the office. We are at capacity. We have a waiting list. This was so confusing. I showed them around, then my boss came back, and I explained what was happening. He explained that there is a waiting list, and we are at capacity. We can’t take on more kids until after some age out.
Yesterday, the managers told him that they are now in our program because they said so. They know the family, and so they want them in. This is how they do things. Nepotism. They hired our other full-time mentor because of the exact same thing. They’re not supposed to be making these decisions for us. So I’m annoyed. Of course, we don’t want to deny any families in need or anything. So now we are over capacity with no additional funding to support it. I could have worse problems, though. These boys will benefit a lot from our program. I am trying to get 6 additional kids into the program anyway. Just need that extra funding.
I still have first-degree burnout. I need a real day to myself. I just had six, but there were too many first-world problems in my way.
I’ve been texting with Christian a lot. I’m used to being the one who has to initiate all conversations and then carry them. Not with him. We are definitely adding up to hooking up. He wants fwb. He’s out of town right now for a show. He works for the city’s symphony orchestra. I definitely have some feelings for him, but that’s because we’re getting close. Doesn’t mean we are adding up to a relationship. I know what he is grooming me for. He needs a connection with the people he has fun with.
Anyway, my province is sounding the alarm right now for the rise in HIV cases. We have the highest rate in the country. I was told that no news is good news, so my results are clean. Though the picture is complicated. I’ll test again in two weeks. I’m trying to get on PreP and such. All my partners were on it, so I don’t need to panic.
I was supposed to host a mini reunion this evening, but my “bestie” is sick, so I cancelled it. She is acting like such a brat about it. She’s been reaching out for weeks, but I haven’t been responsive, so she is taking that personally because she has abandonment issues. I know it is hurting her, but that’s her problem. I have to wait a few business days for a generic sentence response from her, so I have no interest in sharing this chapter with her.
Anyways, I have to get through my day. I am taking our boys to the zoo today. We finally have good weather, too.
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