When I’m depressed.
Today Kimberly came back by and I was able to snatch up Ginger and the babies and said goodbye. They’re going to better homes.
Still, with all that’s happened in the last two days I still fucking broke down bad a few minutes ago.
It’s not fucking fair, okay? I’ll sound petulant child. It’s been my greatest fucking fear. Death.
I’m upset I caused one.
I’m upset I’m 43 with no life experience at all and I KNOW this.
I’m upset because I’m so dependent on my mom for everything and again I’m 43.
I’m upset I’ve lost almost every family member that actually cared about me and after mom I’m really going to be alone on that fucking terrifies me.
I’m upset that I’ve squandered every great opportunity that’s landed in my lap.
I’m upset that no matter what I am a failure.
I don’t want to lose her, too, okay?
I don’t want to be alone!
3:17 AM
I’m feeling a lot better.
Ended up cleaning the kitchen and doing laundry.
🤷♂️
6:46 AM
I could totally go for a basket of mozzarella sticks with a peppery marinara sauce.
Due to all my emotionality tonight I’m rocking a gnarly headache. Laying down in a cold room with the fan on (🥶 I love it) just waiting on the ibuprofen to kick in. I’ve got my alarm set for 12:30.
Mom wants to get out of the house today and that sounds like a really great idea.
Retail therapy!
Barnes & Nobel here I come!
But first, some deep rest.
✌️
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