Today was a tough day for me. I’ve felt really anxious most of the day. I applied for unemployment but will most likely get turned down because of the reason I put for why my last job ended. I don’t want to talk about it. But anyway, I’ll still keep my fingers crossed. It feels like honesty is not the best policy when it comes to pretty much anything. That’s been my experience in life.
In any case, I applied for two jobs today. I have an AI interview to do for one of the jobs I applied for the other day that has to be completed by around noon tomorrow. I’d do it today, but the interview is supposed to take about an hour and I’m too worn out and frazzled to do it today. It’s getting kind of late, anyway.
The day started out okay. Really, the first five hours were fine. I felt alright, not too anxious. I wish I could keep it at bay, make it go away. I have no medication to treat it, no insurance to see a doctor to get medication, and I don’t drink anymore. It’s hard to meditate when you’re overwhelmed with anxiety. Plus, that doesn’t interest me anyway. Walking is what I should do, I think, if I can find the time to do it. At least for now. If I can meet anyone I feel comfortable talking about this with at church, maybe I’ll do that.
It would be nice to write about something here other than how crappy I’m feeling all the time. I don’t even know why I’m so discombobulated. I’ve gone through this several times before. Nothing’s different other than I’m older and more emotionally broken. There are the birds, too. My life would be a whole lot easier if I didn’t have them to take care of. They need so much care and attention that I can’t in good conscience leave them in their cages for 10 hours a day while I go off working somewhere. And I love them too much to live without them. Hence the work from home jobs. I’ve landed three remote jobs in a row previously, so I’m a bit confused as to why I’m having so much difficulty finding anything now. Tomorrow, I may try to improve my resume rather than applying for anything. Maybe that’s the problem. I don’t know. Maybe it’s too long, too obscure, or it makes me seem somehow undesirable to employers. Or maybe I’ll just keep doggedly applying and hope for the best.
If tomorrow is more of the same I probably won’t write anything here. When I started writing entries again my intention was to write daily, but I don’t know if I have the energy for it. I feel exhausted. Frazzled. Hopeless. I wish I could run away, but I can’t.
And on that happy note I’ll stop here for today. Hopefully I’ll feel better tomorrow. Take care, anyone who may read this. Bye for now.
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