We took a half day trip up to Denver last night. The botanical gardens is having their last week of holiday lights and Ive been wanting to go since we moved. So T and I went. We dont bring the kids to a lot of events. Mostly because its like 30 bucks a human body to get in! So we generally go. We went to dinner and discussed how things have been different since starting couples therapy ( and he started individual therapy) a few months ago. After the panic attack moments, he really has made some changes. I know he wants some things from me and im just not able at this point. And I get it. Like its not "hard things" he wants. I just dont know how to do it? Like im not a verbal person. i dont use a lot of words of affirmation. I dont say my soul mate or anything frilly. I want to show it in the ways I love. Like appreciation and love. That was kinda our target convo. He wants appreciation. But ok how do you show/tell someone you appreciate them? So i guess, i have to say, i do this because I appreciate you. It feels weird lol. But its both working. In general things have been pretty good. I do hope they continue but im always looking over my shoulder about it. Logically, I know, my husband is NOT asking for a lot from me right now. But Im struggling with my own things too. Ive been tasked with fixing everything my entire life and now im refusing and that is a hard thing for me to do, and a hard thing for him to manage. The therapist keeps telling him, its not MY JOB to validate everything for him. He HAS to learn to do it on his own. Otherwise hes hunting for meaning inside me that he wont find, because he isnt fullfilled. I cant fill him.
Anyway, Denver was nice, we had Red Robin cuz we lazy and didnt want to look up somewhere else to eat. Then hit the gardens and it was really fun. We walked it twice just to see it again lol. It only took a half hour so not as long as I thought it would be. Then got ice cream and came home. 2 hour drive one way for it lol.
We took my car to see how good it did on a longer drive and we filled it up and got almost 40 to the gallon on the way home. Gotta love downhill and good milage... And of course, not hitting the turbo lol. But she was comfy to ride in.
We saw the space x tail last night too. It was cool. I thought i t was a weird shadow from the full moon. But turns out it was from the space x launch in cali. It was a rocket flare. Pretty fun to see.
Tonight we are going to walk the river walk in our town. It should still be lit up for Christmas and I want to walk it lit up at least once. Its like a 1 mile walk, so not bad. Ill have to start dinner soon to do it, Kids get out of their movie at 5 45.
I got all of Christmas packed away so its out of my hair, I just, needed to reclaim some of my space. Its still a mess, but im working on it. A bit at a time. Reclaiming some space. I did spend like 2 days ( on like an hr each time) cleaning out my medicine pantry. ( Also towels, vitamins, laundry ect) And threw away TONS of expired meds... Adhd, If you dont see it, it dosent exsist, must by new meds. BUT also to be fair. We dont get sick a TON. So like one thing of day quil will expire before we get sick again. I had childrens meds and even A is 11, and dosent really need liquid anymore...
Ran to Ulta because they had the giant shampoos on sale for 37 instead of 55. So got my shampoo and some wash out conditioner to tint my hair. Trying to cool down the blonde. Trying to get T on board with my skincare obsession. I dont look 41 lol. I really dont. Minus a few crows feet. My skin looks great. Everyone should sink on board of with the korean skincare.. lol.
I may stop taking testosterone for a while. Im worried im desensitizing to its effects and a 4 week reset should fix the issue. But im worried about loosing my energy and sex drive. It REALLY helps with those. But its a new year so a good time to do it, I took my last shot before 2026... so if i wait all of Jan and maybe feb then restart. Its not too much time. Its a play it by feel so lets see how I feel!
Anyway I should go clean up my living room a bit more. Im working on this never ending stuff lol...
Sadness... Someone come body double me so I can clean...
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