There's a saying in just testing

That goes something like:

Nothing depresses us more than how we thought our life would be

That’s where I am. Everything I thought my ‘grown up’ life has not turned out.

Friends have homes, kids, the American dream.

I work in an expensive daycare with stay at home moms with Dad’s who do knows uwhat but prrovides enough for 2 nice cars, 2 or 3 kids in a large home with at least 2 vacations a year.

I barely have $ for groceries. And I see my hard working hubby once a week.

It’s depressing.

And I’m struggling.

We’re still fighting, crying, sleeping separate.

My dreams are dying.

But it could be worse.

Will says I’m ungrateful for what do have and not understanding about his financial situation.

He’s right. He has to work these hours cause of the medical bills due to his sleep study and maybe a sleep apnea machine.

And I have to smile and take it. Take all my unhappiness about his families debt, his health, my lonliness, and shove em where the sun don’t shine. Forever.

Or divorce him and make him leave. And see how I fare alone.

I do love him. But all this sucks. I hate myself, my life, I’m so unhappy. And I don’t know how to shake it.