feels like family.
I have hardly anything in the way of gifts. I feel like I’ve done enough throughout the year. My knack and talent for bringing transformational messages into people’s lives is beyond enriching. It’s magnificent. It’s paid me back in spades and from that alone I know that my friends, acquaintances and people I happened to bump into this year have gained from interactions with me an incredible value.
I have a big box of toys that I’ll likely wrap and dole out over the twelve days of Christmas. I’m thinking one day we’ll make having a gingerbread house decorating party the present. Why not? Even though we’ve had lots of gingerbreads cookies (homemade too you know, they’ve got a ton of ginger in them haha) the kids haven’t had a lot of interactions time with their dad and it’s nice to have a structured activity.
That’s one thing that I really like about being a SAHM. My kids hardly ever participate in structured activities (I don’t really do them) and they’re free players and free thinkers. I think back to my childhood and most of everything I ever did creatively was some structured activity that had everything laid out and no creativity whatsoever. The steps were laid out, how much, when, where, how and why, all that’s left is a mechanical elements that the children acted out and somehow it’s “their creation”.
I do art with my kids. And have all sorts of adventures. But I don’t structure it.
Today my son wanted to go for a walk. Why not? The sun was setting. The moon was out in all her glory. We went. He decided where he wanted to go, led the whole trip, looked for traffic for everyone at every intersection, was totally in agreement to going to where he wanted to go and just heading right back so we didn’t get cold. He’s 5. I sort of feel like most 5 year olds not only have never led their own expedition based on their own idea, no matter how small, but probably couldn’t, even if given the chance.
Pic on our way out the door on our walk
And I don’t think that’s because of any failure of the children. I think my children have the benefit of freedom and a relaxed benevolent caring adult. I look at my children’s peers, and it’s clear they don’t have either freedom, nor a relaxed, benevolent caring adult. And their behavior and capacities are impacted thoroughly. They lack any motivation to create an idea or their own activity, as well as time, space, and opportunity. So, their capacities have been repurposed for managing the ungodly amount of stimulation and information they receive, the lack of time, space and opportunities, and they seemingly explode into dysregulated chaos whenever those things cease to be present. They’re like hyped up ticking timebombs that instead of going off by being bumped, it’s the stillness and quiet that invites the explosion.
And it’s really sad. Because the parents have no idea who their kid is; they don’t pay attention and they’re simply away from the child for too many hours every day. There is no such thing as quality time without quantity time. If a parent doesn’t know their child at school, the parent doesn’t know their child. And so the explosive behavior is seen as aberrant. Dysfunction. Acting out. Which it is. But it is because the child finally has a place to decompress. It all has to come out. And then the real child can begin to resume his proper childhood in his decompressed, relaxed state. But it is a RARE parent that recognizes what is actually happening. 90+% of parents see this only as bad behavior, disruptive behavior, emotional problems, as some kind of defect of the child. The child is sent back to school or daycare, so the cycle begins again, or is taken to a psychiatrist, or a doctor, or some strange specialist who recommends something for the poor “broken” child.
Anyway. I feel like having less stuff this year and more adventures. My son is getting to the independent stages of home life- daughter not far behind.
We may spend a lot of time camping upnorth I think. Once we have a firm plan for construction on a cabin/house.
I can’t wait.
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