It has been suggested to me that I am spiritually bypassing. I didn't know what that meant so I looked it up.
Spiritual bypassing refers to the tendency to use spiritual beliefs and practices to avoid confronting unresolved emotional issues or psychological wounds.
Key Characteristics
- Avoidance of Emotions: Individuals may dismiss feelings like anger or sadness, believing that spiritual practices will resolve their issues.
- Superiority Complex: Some may feel spiritually superior, using this belief to mask insecurities.
- Overemphasis on Positivity: A focus on positive thinking can lead to ignoring real problems, such as trauma or grief.
- Detachment: Spiritual bypassing can create a sense of disconnection from oneself and others, as it often involves neglecting personal needs.
I feel annoyance. Misunderstood, perhaps. If I've done anything at all, it's to reject dismissal of my feelings. Dismissing my feelings was the practice that led me into Hell, and left me there to rot. It has taken me a long time to become okay at it- I don't suppose that one unlearns a way of being and learns a new one in a few short years. But it has been my explicit intent for over half a decade now, anyways.
Certainly, superiority is not my particular fault. Neither is overemphasizing positivity. Lol.
Detachment I can certainly see. It is a known control mechanism. Oddly, I don't feel as detached. I feel far more attached. If not to relationships... Then to the ideal. Especially the ideal of freedom, which I closely associate with love. Unconditional love, more specifically. Yes.. it is abstract. But it is not without feeling. Very deep feeling. Of rage, territorial angst, fear, terror... And my ability to see that in others, or even feel it in empathy. My ability to foresee the loss of an acquaintance or even a friend - as I say what I need to say in order to honor my Self.. is not without grief. It is not without sadness. If I did not feel strongly either way, I don't think that I would have any right in saying anything at all.
And I suppose that is I why I dislike ambiguity. The quality of being lukewarm. The character of fence sitting. It cannot be done well. And I do not mean engaging in a nuanced or controversial conversation. I mean the agency of one who has no stake intrinsically cannot offer anything of value. If nothing is at stake... I don't care.
Definitely, I alternate between cool airy aloof and intense dark intimacy. There's no in-between for me. I usually excuse myself gracefully before I get the point that I have no stake in the game. when I hit that point, I feel.... Disgusting. Like watching a man fish with dynamite. Like knowing that navy submarines are killing off sea life with radar. Like fracking. It's senseless aggression for no productive purpose. We all know it's a loss. For everyone. The aggressor and the other, and innocent bystanders and anyone who might want to live upon the face of this earth at any time in the future.
It's all the same thing. We can't physically see the damage done by emotional senseless aggression. But it is there, and perhaps more destructive than the physical metaphors.
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