My psychological dramas are built on the idea that I am a man of inaction. I have to fact-check myself. I am a man of action—just all the wrong actions. I don’t have an inertia problem; I have a directional one.
I was introduced to the Puer Aeternus. Puer Aeternus is a Latin term meaning “eternal boy,” used in Jungian psychology to describe an archetype of a person who remains emotionally and psychologically adolescent into adulthood. Long story short, I stay in potential instead of committing to anything. I do all of the side quests to avoid the main quest. I resist grounding. I don’t truly seek the mundane, structured work of living it all out.
I get fixated on the next fast, the next breakthrough, the next insight, thinking it will fix everything. I avoid the grounded, uncomfortable process of stabilizing in the real world.
I can go on, and one day I will. I’m resisting change and getting addicted to the grand fantasies of success.
I removed all apps on my phone that I can use from my desktop. No more distractions. A little suffering is good for the soul is my 2025 motto. I need to apply that to doing all of the things I don’t feel like doing. I started by working on my podcast. I created a workspace on Notion and started working on some content.
This was my reality check:
The External Boy
I’m on my last day of my 5-day fast. I mostly feel excited that this is almost over. The next two days might feel harder as I reintroduce food. This is because I have to do it gently, when all I want is to engorge. Saturday, all bets are off. I already made my meals for the weekend. Today I make my meals for the next two days. They won’t be so great, but I can’t overwhelm my systems. Though I just shit all over my side quests, they’re still important quests. My gut health is in crisis; I need to correct it. This will be a long journey. I need to work on my vagus nerve and do somatic work, and release tension in my fascia, as the traumas are in the tissues. Blah blah blah.
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