All work and no play makes TL a dull boy
Woke up mid dream, and now I can’t fall back asleep. I dreamt I was filling in a funder about everything going on at work. There is nothing new to ponder about at 2 AM, so my mind is beating a dead horse. It’s the ego creating problems to justify its existence. Some new age yuppie might say.
So what’s happening in my fragile little life outside of work? Not a whole lot. I was really longing to go back to BC yesterday. It was beautiful there, yes, but I was also on holiday and I didn’t bring any of my problems there. If I moved there, I would probably create dramas and upsets and just end up caught up in a work soap opera again.
I am witnessing myself become someone new in real time. Change is destructive, but I’m embracing it instead of resisting it. I feel like I am giving up on trying to be who I want to be and giving in to becoming who I need to be instead. If that makes sense. I’ll write more about it eventually. It’s 2 AM, I’m cooked.
Outside of work, I am stressing about money. Economy doesn’t even exist in reality, why am I vibing so low about it? My ADHD is going through it right now. I have some big expenses to make for my car, so I’m feeling pressed. So many tasks multipliers. I have to buy winter tires, which aren’t cheap for my vehicle. I have to repair scratches on my vehicle also. All before winter. In three weeks, we could be buried under snow. That external pressure is just what my ADHD needs for that task. I am dealing with this first thing today. On top of my passport application. Another $200 there. Canada Post is on strike so I have to go to Service Canada. Mailing that shit has been a nightmare because they keep sending it back. I hate dealing with bureaucracy. Money is so tight when it shouldn’t be. I’m a millennial, of course I work hard and have nothing to show for it. I just need to master finance already.
The cosmos speaks, I’m learning to listen. I don’t think I’m on the right path. Naturopathy was my goal 2 years ago. It was an 8 year plan, I calculated. I got delayed 1.5 years here. I need to go back and finish the high school courses I failed last year. I didn’t know I had ADHD, until these courses got away on me. I would register for those in January. Maybe I will be open to meds by then. I really don’t want to need meth to fold laundry, for starters. It will also complicate the picture of everything else I am doing with my overall health. Naturopaths make over $150 an hour I was reminded by a clinician yesterday. Long story. There are different ways to get what want, maybe I can reduce that plan to 6,7 years.
I’m so fed up with my gut health situation. How fed up are you? My diet is radical enough for the normies, but it needs to become extreme. I have to wait until January to see my new naturopath. Making that appointment was months in the making. ADHD things. So I got desperate enough to do acupuncture on my stomach. I hate needles. I also booked colon hydrotherapy. How do the normies just not care? That used to be. I miss it. Alas, this journey is meant to be had for me. (Scorpio Moon, Mars, & Pluto in my 6H. I also have a mars return right now.)
My day will be ruined a bit by this interrupted sleep. I’m going to be too tired to function. Not that I want to function there right now. The plan was to be a minimalist there but I suck at it. I like to keep busy. Also, the plan was to abandon everyone else there and just focus on myself, but I can’t stop trying to help everyone. When did I become a people pleaser? We move next week. That novelty will be good for my ADHD. There is no parking at the new building which is insane. I don’t want to think about it.
Anyway, I better try and sleep again or just give up.
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