I forced myself to be productive yesterday. I avoided the doom scrolling. Today, I am feeling upset, but I have reasons to be so; I am creating space for it. This wasn’t on my agenda, but what can you do? I’m meeting up with my bestie’s husband later for a marital affair… k, we are meeting at the homeless shelter I volunteer at. He wants to volunteer there also. He’s a veteran with PTSD, so I’m a little worried for him. It feels like I am in a war-torn country when I go on those community walks. It’s very hard on my nervous system, but I’m a masochist. My crush works there, so… whatever.
After that walk, I am going to the big Powwow downtown. Come to think of it, I dreamt about work, which is why I probably feel upset. I might not even go to that powwow; we shall see. I don’t want to bring my rotten energy.
The plan for my long weekend was to focus on myself. So far, so good, but I need to sit down and review my goals. I have to update my resume, and things like that. Think about school. I should be putting my ADHD through it and forcing myself to study before I go back. I failed my courses last year. I didn’t know I had ADHD. Now I am hellbent on fixing it, holistically. It’s just a dopamine deficiency. My body doesn’t have room for dopamine because it is flooded with stress hormones. That’s my theory, so I am working on it. Mainstream healthcare and its cult following believe that we are born pharmaceutical deficient, but we are in the dumb ages, so that adds up.
I am skipping the gym so I don’t gas out. I spent most of my day yesterday in the kitchen. Made meals for days and days and froze them. I’m preparing for a heavy depression. Having something that I can just heat up makes a huge difference. My roommate is likely going to eat it all because she lives like that. We know the score. She’s a 40-year-old teenager. Pathetic.
My roommate came back from BC on Sunday. She loved it out there. It sucks to come back. That was me a month ago. She was in Vancouver. She’s a city girl. I was just in Campbell River. I have no interest in big cities. I did when I was in my early twenties. Any excuse to doll up and drink. I’m an adult now, and sometimes that is fun, but I feel better exploring what nature has to offer. There is another postal strike in my country. I am waiting for my passport. I want to travel outside of Canada next year. Either Hawaii or Mardi Gras in Australia. I get two weeks of holiday after April. If only I weren’t too old for OnlyFans, I could afford to travel a lot more lol.
This too shall pass. This mood. This funk that I’m feeling, it will go away.
I invited Kyle to come with me to Pineridge Hollow this Sunday. We shall see. It’s been a couple of years since I have seen him. They have a drink that I love, but it’s a gorgeous restaurant outside of town. I’m an autumn girly, it’s gorgeous there. They have a cute little farmers’ market as well. Virginia, my betrayer, will be there selling her beadwork, but I will ignore her. If I see her today at the powwow, I will ignore her as well. If Cathy runs into her… she is going to throw hands. She betrayed us both.
Anyway, I have to move on with my day then. Just needed to air this out. Tomorrow I am back to work, but I booked the day off, and I’m only coming in for the kids.
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