Looking at bugs and playing in the dirt for hours.
That’s what my kids do, btw 🤣
I love that their attention and focus can be on such simple things, enlivened by nothing save their own imagination. I don’t see many other kids with such opportunities. They are mostly chronically sleep deprived from getting up way too early to be in some sterile institution while their parents go to work, not to mention malnourished and overstimulated on media.
I’m so glad I made the commitment early on to never allow that for my kids. IDC what happens. I’ll live in a cardboard box before I let someone else’s rot into their minds for hours on end every day.
I realized a little bit ago, today, the deep foundation of mistrust and animosity for my parents. It wasn’t that I became defensive; it’s that they provoked defensiveness in me.
Because I came here with a really core instrinsic value-at least, I’ve not found a genesis for it yet. That value, as far as I can linguistically convey it, is that I value my own trustworthiness. This is at the very bottom; the deep down core. It is an empowered value. Meaning, I behave inherently in relationship to it. I see myself and know myself as that which trusts in myself.
And, I am in trusting myself, a totally free and independence being. I do not require and in fact despise the imposition of other perception.
I was in trusting myself, in fact, the most provocative being that could possibly have confronted my parents. My parents, who require the reflection of the other. Because they are empty, they have no-thing internally to rely on or trust. They need reflection, acknowledgement; perception of them from without. They are entirely reactionary, having no trust in their innate feeling perception, and actually hate that innate trust of perception in themselves and anyone else. I can relate to their condition as one of far greater intensity and density of the grief that I experienced last year upon becoming aware of a spiritual reality.
And so in being a child of my parents, I could do nothing about my own intrinsic nature. I could only perceive their rank hatred of my nature, and turn away.
I was very wise, for a child. I would rather be closed to my parents, or leave to disembodied places, than become caught in the web of distraction that is in the mind. Where defensiveness is, attracting all sorts of distortions of my perception through fear, terror, anger, needs, arguments, judgements, etc etc etc. All intrinsically corrupting to my ability to perceive and trust in my clarity of perception.
I look at my children and feel so much happiness and gratitude that they are so grounded, embodied, and free to be. Their natures are perhaps, even more sensitive than mine. Perhaps that’s why I am their mother. I can see, and I trust what I see.
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