I struggle to make sense of humanity.
Partly because I’m an idiot, and partly because humanity eludes sense on the regular.
Self awareness seems illusory. Like, it feels like we can see ourselves almost entirely- the way a satellite feels like it can see almost the entirety of earth from orbit. But we are also what is under that surface- in fact we are primarily what is under that surface- and unlike planet Earth, a lot is happening down there, in us. Many moving parts.
I feel like what we think we are, is just the aftertaste of what we really are, but can’t see- the subconscious; the unconscious.
I’ve been surrounded by religious lunatics my whole life, but never much fit in. I found I did not particularly believe in the Christian God, or any God for that matter. Some things made sense: “do unto others.” Some things did not: “turn the other cheek.” I was backed up against a wall, somewhat. Couldn’t get away from it. Couldn’t just brainwash myself into believing it just because Some Guy said so. So I made what hay I could from it, and developed kind of my own compromise religion, pouring all of my own specific values into it like a concoction, and I let it guide my choices.
Choices are tough. We need something to help us make them. Something to determine what the right thing is to do. I think that is why people fundamentally need some kind of religious framework, always. Something fundamental in our ability to think and exist would break down without it, I feel.
And I feel it’s important to recognize, because we have a lot of people today who do not know that they are religious. Many religious people don’t understand it either. They have been swept by a herd- some collectivist Borg monstrosity- playing on the need for some/any religious framework, and the need to fit in somewhere and participate in community. Whether it’s a Church service and the county fair, or protest marches and concerts.
Pre-fab religions, and pre-fab stories are reliably easy to get sucked into. They are well mapped out and must have brought many of the people who used them enough rewards to self perpetuate. But I always feel like they are toxic. They pave over the individual, and replace them with an empty shell and tool of The System.
The aspect that haunted me most from 1984.
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