It’s not just that nobody checks up on me. It’s that nobody is expecting me to check up on them. That’s what’s meant by feeling needed. Nobody needs me.
That’s what it can mean when “nobody will miss me when I’m gone”.
Purpose isn’t really about so-called self-betterment. Shit like lifting or whatever hobby you have is just a distraction from the existential horror of existence. Purpose is the interconnectedness within the human community.
(Part of why so many people fall for religion. They’d rather sacrifice selfhood and morality than give up that feeling of belonging and that someone relies on them.)
A week isn’t long enough to detox from life. To truly clear the mind from worldly worries. I had a couple days off thanks to getting sliced open aaaaaaand now I’m more stressed than before.
No wonder I have no friends. Sure does feel like I have nothing to offer anymore. This ain’t an era of kindness and altruism.
I miss feeling like people relied on me. That I had something to give.
I haven’t been able to relax or concentrate since I stopped drinking. Every day, I’m either on edge or suffering somehow in the hopes I have a spare moment where my dark humour comes out.
40 hours a week, the life sentence.
Help isn’t coming.
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