I woke up late, took kid to school and then tried to make money. I made $15 and that was it. I do have enough for my car payment but it’s coming out of my account. I still need my car insurance, light bill, and internet bill money. My credit card is due on the 28th. I told my boyfriend I’m planning to work all weekend or I’m going to have to use my fucking credit card. I seriously don’t know how to live like this. I seriously can’t even afford cat food so I’m praying tomorrow I can at least make enough money to pay for that.
I drive alone in my car where I get in my head and I’m just so angry. I’m angry that I’m owed so much money in back child support. I still haven’t seen a payment. He got paid on the first and a couple of days ago. Maybe there will be a payment at the end of the month which would be a fucking god send because my internet bill and car insurance are due right away in August. My friend reminded me that there’s also a big event starting on the 1st that he’ll probably quit his job to go work because it’s a good chunk of money and it’s under the table. He’s done it just about every year that my daughter has been alive so there’s no promise I’ll see any money once again.
Everyone here has made it really easy for me to start packing to leave. I can’t even express how angry I am at my daughter’s Father or my parents. No one has ever given a fuck about me or my child so I hope that they have that same energy once we’re gone. I am so angry at how much I’ve struggled over the years even before I had a child and my family didn’t care what I went through by MYSELF as long as they got what they wanted from me. All they have ever done is use me.
I’m still thinking about how we haven’t seen my Mom in 3 months and she comes over on my daughter’s birthday to say how she got an extra $1,500. Um, okay did you forget that you were to give us money for helping you move? Then you have the audacity to tell us that you had even more than the 10,000? She was so proud that she had kept my Dad’s money but didn’t give any thought to the fact that she had fucked US over too.
All I know is I can’t deal with the lies, secrets, ,manipulation, using and not getting to have any boundaries. Once we’re gone, I can just forget about these fucking people. They aren’t family, they are merely people I share a bloodline with. They have never been helpful for me and always acted like I was just on this planet to help them. I’m not even allowed to bring up how I’ve been mistreated because it comes off as ‘arguing’ and this deal where there’s a falling out and not hear from them for months and them coming around acting like we are just to pick up where we left off is toxic.
We aren’t a family. We are simply people that just put up with each other every now and then. There is no way this is a family. I seriously can’t wait until I’m crossing state lines and I can just move on. I’m pissed at how I’ve been threated and how much money I’ve lost.
I haven’t heard from BD for a few days. He was to take daughter for a belated birthday dinner and a movie and never heard another word, again. I plan on deleted the parenting app once we leave this town and be done with him too. I’m just so sick of everyone’s drama and bullshit that I have to separate myself from it. My mental health has been taking a huge hit.
It sucks not telling my Mom we are leaving but she was so comfortable telling me that my brother told her that BD was taking me for custody so I can’t be sure she wouldn’t tell him that we are moving. I’m not going to risk being stuck here and potentially homeless because people can’t keep their fucking mouths shut. Family should have your back, not the first ones to be sticking a knife in it.
Anyways, they just got home so it’s time to do dinner. More tomorrow.
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