I like phrases like that, “bleeding air”, because it is descriptive but is a juxtaposition. Bleeding suggests blood… a liquid… and we know what that looks like, even if it isn’t so descriptive as to tell us precisely what it is saying. We need substitute words. “Bleeding” (unless I’m wrong) denotatively means “the loss of blood” without more description. Connotatively, I feel we use “bleeding” to signify a slow, steady release. Thus why “bleeding” is worrying but “gushing blood” says a lot more. Thus, if we use the word as “a slow, steady release” or loss… bleeding air, despite being a potential contradiction in terms, is merely “the slow, steady release/loss of air”.... which, depending on context, is just as unhealthy or just as deadly as bleeding blood.
The preceding meandering paragraph comes to you in large part thanks to a failed seal in my CPAP mask that is now permanent; resulting in breathing struggles for the night and a very rough and inconsistent sleep.... of the kind where I was struggling to breath and did not wake up this morning until AFTER I was already supposed to be at work! Now, my usual place for CPAP repair and replacement… is an hour away and is only open from 9 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. on weekdays, no weekend hours. WHICH of course means time to find a new CPAP repair/replace that I can just pop into over a lunch break! Luckily such a place exists, and it is less than 3 miles from the office. But unluckily they won’t replace my mask without Dr’s Authorization! So… no solution for tonight but I spend the lunch hour making calls trying to get the damned issue fixed.
Anyway, I race into work this morning late which is always… I know I can because I know I give them so much of my time for free… but I don’t like it. But as soon as I sit down at my desk? An attorney calls wanting to talk to me about a Truck Issue. Well, he can leave a message because I need to get stuff sorted for the day and while I would be available if I weren’t late, when looking up the case? This attorney has already demanded a Jury Trial on a case where the only legal question is: Was truck heavy? So, while an attorney can certainly spend time trying to confuse a jury with “Well, according to the highway code- if the truck was 2,500 pounds is a different citation than if the truck was 3,000 pounds, and my client needn’t even have a Commercial Driver’s License if the truck was less than 2,000 pounds; so the only question here is whether you trust a cop to weigh a truck properly with their side of the road equipment.” My response would be “Video shows cop pull truck over. Equipment properly calibrated says truck weighs 3,000 pounds. Defense’s own argument admits, the truck and driver are only legal up to 2,000 pounds. So the truck and driver were both illegal for the weight the State has proven. There is no legal reason to find the driver anything other than guilty. Truck heavy. Truck too heavy. Truck illegally heavy. There is no confusion. There is no evidence establishing anything other than the State’s case.” So… yeah. When you have automatically demanded a Jury Trial in that case so that the matter is presently set for March 2026… maybe I’m not going to trip over myself to answer your call right now.
But that all tracks these days. I’m back in a season where, if it isn’t violent irrational people or absolute crazies who want to argue that the law doesn’t apply to them because Conspiracy, then it is a rash of Commercial Truck Drivers saying “If I’m found guilty of this, I lose my job. So dismiss the damned thing or live with this shit on your conscience, you monster!” Which of course I sit and think, “Okay… even if I were just an observer of traffic, I can say that too many of you are driving dangerously over the speed limit. And if a pickup truck doing 10 over can kill someone; a semi doing 20 over can absolutely destroy a person. So… no from an observer’s position. But I’m also an attorney. Do you know how many Semi Truck Kills People cases we had to read in Law School?! It’s the very REASON why the trucking company’s team of lawyers recommends your termination on traffic tickets. A Semi Truck Driver violating traffic codes threatens the safety of everyone on the road and potentially places your employer at HUGE RISK for liability should the worst occur. So while I am sensitive to the fact that “I have to do X task in Y time to be profitable!” is what your primary focus is… my primary focus is to provide accountability when someone violates the law. I appreciate that a consequence to your actions might be that you lose your job; I don’t want that for you but then I’m not the one driving the semi truck. The person driving the truck is the person responsible for following traffic laws. I, too, once had a job where my driving was reflective on the company and I was required to follow the laws lest I lose my employment. Hell, I know I’ve been working for the government for 13 of my last 20 years but Government Employees can get traffic tickets, too.... but I haven’t. In fact, the last time I had a traffic (non-parking) citation of any kind was 2004. It is possible to drive and not violate the law. As hard as that seems for many to believe.
The morning was actually a little rough for me in some regards. I arrived almost an hour late and finished everything on my schedule within 100 minutes. Other than returning certain phone calls. But don’t think too harshly of me for that. I took every call from a Defendant or Mother or Victim or Random Person wanting to bitch out the government. Unless otherwise indisposed, I do take phone calls. But for an attorney that has filed a jury demand and whose case won’t be heard until next year? I’m not overly panicked to respond at the drop of a hat. So I had… time this morning… that I honestly didn’t really have much to fill it with. And ironically, I thought “You know… a previous year, a previous job… this would be the perfect time to start to read Prosebox, catch up on responding to notes, all of that.” But I honestly don’t do that as much anymore at work which is why I’ve fallen so terribly far behind in the Reading/Responding of it all. And foolishly, I would do it more at home but.... home things have been...... yeah, well? (1) When I am at the computer, Nala is bummed as hell because our Computer Situation is not as positive as the old house. Old House, if she really wanted to, she could curl up on the sectional and watch me easily. Not as easily done in the new basement. (2) When I am at the computer, the everything else with the house jumps out so hardcore. Like… and I’ll truly give all credit to Nancy here… at the old house? Sitting at the computer wasn’t a reminder of how much was left to do to unpack, fix the house, etc. I sit at the computer now and I’m sitting next to 1/2 of a poster set being hung up because I’ve never actually finished “Putting up Pictures”… because it’s such an unimportant part of truly unpacking.... but I haven’t finished too much of the unpacking proper. And I write about it so often… and don’t do fuckall about it… to the point where it’s almost like my own little mentally unwell stick with which to beat myself. And I’m similarly situated in my damned office. I have a desperate need to clean, organize, and decorate. And I tell myself, “This is what you can do when you aren’t doing a show!” But… history has not suggested that. I didn’t make it into Grey Gardens and.... proceeded to not get shit done. Oh, I’ve “gotten shit done” in that I’ve kept the work going properly, I’ve replaced an entire fence, I’ve kept the yard as I can, the house hasn’t fallen down, Nala is in good health, I’m not dying (that I know of).... It cannot be said that I’ve simply been “idle and doing nothing all year.” But… it never ceases to smash me in the head, especially at some places in my house.... that I’ve been there since around August/September of 2022. I’ve done 5 shows and prosecuted thousands of cases in that time. I just… I feel like the fact that I haven’t done… so much in my house is just this echoing constant reminder of how incapable I really am. And… this rant went into a much different direction than I anticipated when I started! HARD TO TRACK, almost. Am I always this bad or is this further “He didn’t sleep well because not enough oxygen was going to his brain!”
Interesting, though, as I consider “time usage” and how Theater impacts that: 2019/2021/2022 saw me in as many performances as 2023/2024/2025. which I find interesting because I live closer to the theaters after 2022.
ANYWAY, the rest of the afternoon at work was.... the rest of the afternoon at work. Phone calls, motions, court work, all sorts of things. Ultimately at the end of the day I had… a handful of things to do for work, but WAY more things to do outside of work and.... I had to use my time wisely, sorry. I have an entire morning with nothing scheduled Thursday morning, so I can return phone calls then. If trying to return to the CPAP place could at all increase the chances that I could get my mask repaired or replaced before tonight? That was a better use of my time! So I left work a little early and went back to the CPAP place. And got really close to getting the problem resolved. It… it didn’t… but I got MUCH closer!
Then from there it was off to the meeting for Democrat Communication. And it took for FUCKING ever. And we accomplished nothing. But that makes sense since we’re trying to get engagement and people are either APATHETIC or PARALYZED. There’s no “let’s get involved” it’s just “we’re screwed, why care” or “we’re screwed, there’s nothing we can do”. But… the meeting took so long that I didn’t get home until 9 pm. NOW… I had originally planned to do a MASSIVE house clean after the meeting! But… not even getting home until 9? Fuck! But I must get this taken care of before Friday at 8:30 a.m. NOW… I have an appointment at 8:20 pm on Thursday. SO… the new plan? HOUSE CLEAN when I get off work tomorrow and then when I get back from my movie. AND hope I can (1) get the CPAP fixed; (2) get the house clean.
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