Vague Resistance in Journal

There is some vague resistance. A sense of withdrawal. A keeping in. It is unpleasant. I do not wish to be in a closed off energy

I feel as if war goes on inside me. A deep one. At what level is this war? It’s at the level of awareness of my needs.
Hm.

i feel as one at the boundary of conscious and subconscious. My feet on solid ground and peering intently into a fog. Shapes move through it indistinctly. It’s impossible to know if the form I see is a real or imagined one. It’s quite active and lively, but obscured. curiosity grips me. These are forms and beings of my own bodies- or at least I am vaguely apprehending them through my bodies.
In there is this resistance that I have a concrete connection to only it’s effects. In fact, the effects are the only things I know about it. The effects are indeed the only thing which points to it’s existence in the first place. So similar is this process to the one of discovering Christ that I’d feel remiss not to mention it now. Is it the same process? Perhaps more refined, but yes. Once I found the Christ and experienced the energetic CAUSE, the denial of materialism needn’t be repeated for every iteration. In fact it need not be repeated again at all since the theory of a plane of material existence with an energetic background substrate necessitates the further delineation of finer and subtler planes.

It is, as it were, at the precipice of one more or less well-explored plane that I stand, peering into the next with intense curiosity and wonder.