Holy Shit in Journal

Are things moving fast.
I hadn’t really realized just how fast until I looked at my entries just now. Just a few hours apart, some of them. It feels like weeks have elapsed.

And yes I absolutely do mean HOLY shit. Divine excrement. Baptized cowpies.

Because ALL of it is divinely spiritual.

It was last night that another being came to me, and she was a being of heavenly access. An Elemental of Heavenly Feeling. She is, so far, the most difficult for me to stay in conscious connection with.
This seeking out energy that I learned through Sadness- I am not entirely familiar with. This pursuer and reluctant, shy prey dynamic is new to me; wherein my Sadness is ever reluctant to be directly seen and must be followed to her place. It’s not necessarily a bad place, but it is a place designed to create the feeling of sadness. Loneliness. Persecuted energy. Of being Reviled. Rejection. It’s an energetic chamber much like the cake pan in Steiner analogy; it’s a space that when energy enters into it, the wavelengths and frequency and feeling generated is Sadness.
When I followed my Sadness there, I was ime confronted with the Ninth Beatitude. Blessed are you who are reviled, for your reward in Heaven is great
[Now, as an intellectual aside, I think that an average human being might feel more confrontation with the Ninth. I have hardly any or no karma in with this particular challenge. And that’s not to say I’m great or anything -there are PLENTY other areas in which I struggle and have heavy karma- it’s just to say I felt no resistance whatsoever in following my Sadness through this challenge. I was almost pulled through it like an energetic wind blew me in]
When I comprehended the Ninth and what it was communicating, I turned to Sadness who almost instantaneously transmuted this place into Heaven.

It is only through Sadness that this can happen. Sadness is the Lost Sheep. If I am willing to embody the Good Shepherd, and not rest until every one of my sheep is with me, then this one, which is by it’s nature lost and alone in a dark and reviled place, leads me straight to Heaven.

Even as I write this I feel the incomprehensible becoming clear to me. I feel the work of Black Beauty, that dark Ahrimanic being, making comprehension possible. I know that without his integration, I would be without clarity, without concrete concepts to innerstand these experiences, and would myself be groping in the dark without a light. It is only through this so-called dark being that any comprehension is possible, for me.
Certainly, I still sense that if he were not now connected to the Christ through my own Angel, and thereby redeemed, he would only be serving purposes of obfuscation. But redeemed, he serves as a thought-guide and clarifying force.