prompt: bold, title: gone, but not forever in idea barrages

This universe is rewriting itself on a near-constant basis, we just rarely notice. Are we having our minds manually wiped by outside forces? Maybe once in a while but most of the time it’s merely our consciousness bending us around the constant churn so we don’t go crazy. This is where déjà vu comes from, of course, though it’s only half of the story. Yes, we go through these motions of our lives over and again, but without the déjà, there’s no ‘vu’ at all. The fact we’re such essential creatures of habit results in us doing the same things in the same spaces over and over regardless of incremental details shifted about. Whether these are the work of random fluctuations in reality or the pens of cosmic scenario writers, they only play half the game. Their Natures intersect with the Nurtures of our own stupidly painful-yet-psychologically comfortable ruts, endlessly forever.

Do we reincarnate or are we just remembering our wildly-different earliest drafts? Do we rejoin the holy oneness as a drop of water reintegrating back into the ocean of the divine, when we see the woman in the blinding-white nightgown, or is that us simply hitting the Continue screens on this video game and getting sent back to a default save-point? Is it like in the comic books when there’s been so much continuity built up for older readers and they have to reboot everything for younger audiences, but they make it a big cosmic crossover with gods diegetically resetting that world, to try and keep the old readers around as well? They’ve gotten so bold in their capitalism that they’re even doing that with the superhero-films too, disastrously, of course. However, even then, there’s something more than craven short-term profiteering to it. There is some distant tiny memory of it all happening to them, to us, to every single one of us, that sparks the notion, even though the conscious impulse is a zombie-vulture reflex to sustain itself on its own fresh corpse.

Do you remember hearing this before? God help me I remember writing this a couple times over, myself, but I cannot place where the memory comes from. Am I remembering exploring the idea in other drafts and other formats, as little seeds in a larger glurge, or am I remembering countless other times I’ve written this, no matter how much life has changed without a waking-awareness?

One of my favourite lyrics in a song is from King Crimson’s “Discipline” where the singer states “I repeat myself when under stress/I repeat myself when under stress/I repeat myself when under stress/I repeat myself when under stress/I repeat”. Maybe this deep feeling of endless repetitional loneliness within me is connected with those lyrics because I’ve been reliving half-lives forever?

Maybe the Nature of it is God repeating Herself while under the stress of making and remakings.

Maybe the Nurture of it is me repeating myself while under the stress of being made and remade.

Maybe? Maybe, maybe, maybe.