Come and go in Journal

People come and people go

They flit around the edges for awhile, and then they’re gone. More often than not.
And that’s okay.
I’m not really built for fitting in. To be a companion. To stay steady and attentive; that’s just not me. For my animals, and my kids, yes. For anyone else, no.

I see people as passersby. They look on in astonishment. They back away sooner, or later. Except for J. J hasn’t backed away. He’s followed me everywhere.

I feel like a spectacle to most. A very fascinating, shiny new object. An oddity. A novelty. Will it be understood? Will it do anything I want? Will it give me what I want? I don’t dwell on it. But it is there.

I really am an icon. A leader without leading; a trend setter that no one ever heard of. I do my own thing. And I really, really like it that way.

The feeling of venturing out into darkness and depths unknown, and reporting back to the astonished lookers on what I’ve found. Fascinating. They say- I never thought of it that way or, almost laughably show me some evidence-! Lmao

I don’t want to do what other people have done. It’s not that I crave being weird, or the first, or anything like that. I just think; has it been done already? If so; I need to move on. I need to find the true frontier. I need to move this plane farther out. Farther out. Farther out. I feel driven to move the standard of humanity. It must be at the precipice of what is needed and what is possible. I must be wading into the streams of the unknown and the impossible- that is where I want to be. If I’m not there, I feel like I’m doing nothing. Nothing at all.