The Curse (10th Anniversary) in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

(I first started writing on Open Diary in 1999 and continued up until about a year ago. My OD was very serialized and typically I would provide links to past situations which I was discussing, and these were sometimes reaching years and years back. There are a couple of events that many people remember and this entry is piggy-backing off of one of those events… but in a completely different way.)

After all of my bitching in the previous entry about wanting to be more authentic and social (that was my implied meaning, I’m not sure I actually said that explicitly), I decided to go out, which is something I hadn’t done since before my birthday. As luck would have it, it was the local bar’s Pink Party which apparently meant that a ton of people were going to be there.

I went alone, as I usually do. My roommates don’t really like me, so I don’t feel any pressure to include them, everyone with whom I go to school is too young to go out drinking, and everyone else I know I met from the bar and will probably be there already.

Luckily, rather soon in the evening, I ran into my David (as I’m writing this, it just occurred to me that I have four friends named David whom I know and play a part in this story… but I think I’ll edit the others out, with one exception whom I shall call Jonesy). I had a thing for David a year ago, but he had really hurt my feelings… see, I told you I’m sensitive. David is one of those guys who defies definition. He’s got beautiful, dark skin, he’s covered in tattoos and has a mohawk. I also discovered when he once stayed the night at my house that he’s in his early-40s. He doesn’t look like it and on one level, he kind of serves as an inspiration for my youthful attitudes.

David

Despite the emotional hurts I felt, we have always remained friends. His boyfriend/fuck buddy Matt was dancing in the back bar which was for a bear event that evening. Matt and I did not get along when we first met because we were both vying for David’s attention… but since he won and I don’t really hold grudges about that sort of thing, we’ve become friends. So, there I am in a back bar with Matt’s ass in my face while he dances with a gas mask on standing next to a youthful 42 year old who once broke my heart.

Why was I complaining about nothing happening to me?

One of the bartenders in the back bar is a guy named Will. He’s a really sweet guy and totally that kind of “straight acting” guy that everyone’s always after, the difference is, he’s not a dick. He’s in a relationship with this guy named Adrian who is the jolliest person I’ve met this side of Santa Claus. Seriously, we’re exact opposites. This guy is like a yellow lab running at you. I absolutely adore him and we’ve become pretty good friends over the last several months.

Adrian and Will with his beard. (They’re so cute you just want to smack them.)

When I met Adrian, he was hanging out with this guy Tommy and his boyfriend. Tommy is… gorgeous. What makes him more gorgeous is the fact that he looks like a total douche-bag but he isn’t. He’s that really unnaturally handsome guy that you don’t believe is real until you touch him. We had really amusing conversations back in the day but he moved away with his boyfriend to Nevada (ick) and I haven’t seen him since February… but we’ve kept in touch.

Well, suddenly, there was Tommy. He was happy to see me and I introduced him to David (“He’s totally hot and I’m not usually into white guys!”) and we all stood uncomfortably close to Matt’s sweaty ass and chatted the night away. Tommy was there with a friend of his, Jess, but was not in the best spirits. He broke up with his boyfriend, moved home and had just discovered, moments before going out, that his boyfriend had been cheating on him for much of the relationship.

Some chick and Tommy.

As the night progressed, I began to talk with Jess, who was very somber and extremely guarded. He was also casting looks at Tommy that I recognized instantly. I hung back with David and Adrian to watch the two of them interact, then I chatted with Jess, who is another one of those ridiculously good-looking guys… but there was something more real about him. Adrian is so happy all the time I feel like he’s on drugs, plus I always joke that he has some alarming cancer because of how big his muscles are. Tommy is… an Abercrombie model (back when it was okay for alarmingly hot white boys to be naked in teen stores). But Jess was very real. Especially when he smiled, which was not often.

Tommy went off while Jess, David and I stood around. I had always thought Tommy was hot so I was over my cartoon dog phase. David was clearly just beginning his and making comments. I just agreed, but Jess would agree and stare longingly in Tommy’s direction.

Jess

Then he said, “I’ve been in love with him since I was 16.”

That’s when everything shot into focus. I had been in nearly this exact situation 10 years ago, and I just blurted out, “Oh, I get it! Tommy has the curse.” David and Jess just looked at me, puzzled and waiting for an explanation. I continued, “Almost exactly 10 years ago, I met a fella whom I called Jeff the Jew at a Blondie concert. We became friends and as I got to know his friends, I realized that all of them were totally in love with him. Man, woman, houseplant, it didn’t matter. Whomever came into his orbit of gravity had crazy feelings for him. They didn’t exactly welcome me because I flirted with Jeff a little too much and I found out that that was breaking the rules. Jeff can choose whomever he wants and he should choose one of them.

“They would never ever tell him how they felt and when I asked one of them, he simply told me that he’d rather have Jeff as a friend and be in pain than tell him the truth and have him reject them. I just thought to myself ‘Fuck that!’ and went through the process of telling him. It didn’t end in my favor, but I totally recognize the situation!”

Jeff the Jew, all those years ago.

“Yeah, Tommy could choose someone and they’d fall all over themselves for him,” Jess said gloomily.

It was clear by the amount of crying that Tommy did that night, he wasn’t in any position to choose. There’s a picture of Tommy and I on instagram, he had been crying only moments before the picture was taken.

“Well, you should tell him, at least to give it some closure,” I said.

That’s the when the conversation took an unexpected turn, Jess said, “Well, I’m a Republican.”

David made a face.

“So am I,” I said, “What’s your point?”

David made a face to me, “You are?!”

“Yes.”

“Well, I don’t believe in gay marriage…“

David couldn’t believe it, “WHAT?”

“Or really marriage at all,” Jess ignored David, “At least not the way it has become since it began being taxed in the 40s or 50s. I think the government should just stay out of it. But that’s not really my point. I’m not sure I really believe in ‘happily ever after’ or whatever the fairy tale is and I’m not sure that two men get that. I know, it doesn’t make sense but that’s where I’m at.”

David was still in shock, but I just smiled. Those were the exact kinds of things with which I struggled 10 years ago. I was really liking Jess.

David went to go shoot for the stars with Tommy and I decided to hover around Jess. The cloud that hung over him about the whole Tommy affair was difficult to penetrate, but when I did and made him smile, it is probably the best part of the night.

There’s also a little bit of an issue because Jess is leaving for Nashville early in 2015. He wants to tell Tommy and get some closure before that happens. I can already see that it isn’t going to end in his favor, but I think he knows that too. Beyond that, there are so many little things that remind me of how far I’ve traveled.

I may not be blissfully happy, but at least I’m not as lost as I once was. I have figured some stuff out.

I left out some very amusing subplots from this whole tale. Obnoxious Adam who kept latching onto David and crying on his shoulder and how I sent Tommy to try and get Adam away but all he did was grab Adam and start crying together. Then there was this other random guy who came up to Jess and started trying to speak Spanish to him but was too drunk to do so, then he kept repeatedly asking Jess if he could kiss him. Jess wasn’t having any of that. I could tell within five minutes of meeting him that Jess does not suffer empty flirtations.

I’d like to see Jess again, moreso than Tommy. I don’t know how to explain it… and it’s nice not to explain everything.