Slipping Away in Journal

I sense a sliding slipping slithering away

I wager it had to at some point. Hahah… It’s June, now! I guess my premonition was right.

I am left with something. Many things, perhaps.

They are like gifts; sparkling jewels. They’re being buried again. But I still have access, at least for now. It does require more. More effort to stay aware of it. An act of will. More effort to become aware again once the comforting veil of not-knowing descends. The veil of non-awareness.

I’m glad I wrote so much. I’m so glad I had the tools at this point in my life to perceive at least some of what was streaming into me consciously, and to work with it on whatever level consciously.
I am reminded of the instruction from the last Anthroposophical Christmas review, of the importance of creating within ourselves a cup to receive the emanations of the cosmos and celestial beings. And if we do not, we are unable to receive or even perceive their love or gifts.

I feel far more light. Like an immense pressure has lessened. There is also a sense of nostalgia, ironically enough. The contrast between being under pressure and feeling it’s release. They are both glorious. But there is still yet enough in me to wish and pine for the other. Hahaha. That strikes me as so humorous! Like watching waves and at every creat wishing for the valley and every valley pining for a crest. Would I have a perfectly still sea?! That would be death. I feel happy about these revelations. They give me a sense of levity.

Still the Equanimity pervades me.
Today, this morning on the porch, I watched as 2 vehicles almost collided and people honked ferociously and were quite animated. I looked on in curiosity. Wow, I thought, my heart is not pounding, there wasn’t even any adrenaline or startle. I was in curiosity. They all drove away unharmed and traffic flowed smoothly. I reflected.

The elementals on our postage stamp of a parcel are very happy. They shine their brilliance. I can see it especially when people drive by, slowing at our corner to marvel at our gardens and everything. It’s not that our garden or anything is particularly beautiful. There is stuff everywhere, lol. Our yard is an explosion of left out toys and rakes and a trailer- bikes- you name it. But. There is something very different about the quality here, than the quality of other very similar looking yards.

I, of course, know that it is the quality of consciously cared for elementals. I can know this and yet, have very limited access to what that means. I think my inner standing of it is growing.
There are of course the negative nancies as well. As I said before, they are far less common, however. And that is nice. The old woman next door who, I surmise, has a permanent scowl on her face, stopped right at my little living fence I just planted and stared at it with her scowl for a solid 60 seconds. She has never walked her dog (also old, and very obese) by our house before. She continued on around the corner and stopped again at the other corner, scowling at the small orchard in the front. Maybe she’s not negative and that’s just her face. Idk.
Here’s my living fence. I just stuck a bunch of elder cuttings in the ground in April. I’m stoked that about 90% are rooting.