Something Above in Meditations

Last night I became aware a feeling. I hadn’t taken care of the rabbits, yet. I considered not doing it. It was late. I was already in bed. I was very sleepy.
There was a feeling that was familiar- that old feeling of devaluing. I don’t matter much, so who cares if I feel cruddy? and the concomitant guilt or shame or whatever bad feeling comes along with not tending to your animals’ needs when they are helpless and captive and only there because of you.
I felt these. They were both negative.

What else is there?

I waited. For a long time, a couple hours, I think.

Then, I finally did feel something else. It was glimmery and unconscious, still. It came with a sense feeling and a thought. It is still mostly unconscious, for me. But it is still there, too.

It is something. It is enough. I feel it and I find energy and wakefulness, enough to get up, dress, and go outside to care for the rabbits. They weren’t in dire need but, that wasn’t the point. They were glad. I felt my awareness grow and identify its motivation with this higher sensation- to something else, a higher feeling that lives above these little guilts and shames and emotional attachments.
These lower things aren’t bad. I want to be clear. They are simply a level of feeling and thought-form beings, say, in the hierarchy. And yet, when I became aware of what I was doing in relation to them- wanting them, or not wanting them to be with me, I began to wonder; there must be something else than wanting and not wanting-?
This, definite knowing that there is something else, and wondering what it is- I would define as Faith. This Faith is something that I have deep within my being. It is not something I created, here. It is part of me, and perhaps it is something that I developed into and incorporated as a permanent aspect, before.
There is something else that I am discovering, though. It’s not Faith. It’s something a little different. It is still unconscious. I know it is there through Faith.

Enlightenment is

not any big thing.

it’s many tiny little choices and awarenesses. It’s a lifestyle

It just means you’re committed to the next step.