Entry 140: I been here for years I'm rockin' my peers, puttin' suckers in fear in Much Ado About Nothing

No real reason to open today with L.L. Cool James’ “Mamma Said Knock You Out”. But I can share how I got here in my mind.
I woke up this morning, once again, twenty minutes before my alarm went off. After, once again, not getting to sleep until after midnight. So, my body is fundamentally saying (it seems) that 5 hours is acceptable? Seems strange and foolish. My hands are itchy as hell because walking the dog last night? Mosquitoes kept going after my fingers and thumbs. I don’t think that plays into why I woke up so early, but adding it here anyway. I took care of all of the proper morning stuff, came in to work, sat down at my computer and, again once again, figured “I know I don’t have a lot to do this morning, but I don’t think I’ll open Prosebox right away. I don’t even really have much to say today, so… I’ll just focus on getting things done instead.”
And then the most important thing I had to do this morning was finished within 15 minutes. So, coming back to Prosebox this morning did make me, on some level, think “Don’t call it a comeback”… which inspired the title as those are the words in the song that follow the phrase “Don’t call it a comeback.”

Fucking world keeps spiraling. Two biggest DUMBASS takeaways that I’ve already run into this morning:
“Did you see those godless liberals are objecting to the porn ban proposed in Congress?” and
“Geeze, I’ve had it with you leftist criminal supporting morons. You’re tripping over yourselves demanding that MS13 Gang members get due process but you didn’t give a single shit if Jan6ers got due process!! You only care here because you count on illegals voting to win!”

Now, both of those statements are loaded with misinformation, ignorance, and bad faith suppositions. But let’s discuss:
(1) Porn Ban. The currently proposed “Porn Ban” was directly lifted/inspired by Project 2025 and the language they are trying to tailor the bill towards? Allows the Christian Right… the Christian Nationalists… to determine what obscene means. Currently, this so-called “porn ban” is designed to provide government with the ability to criminalize all activities that the government deems obscene. In other words… remember that bill Iowa was trying to pass saying ALL performers doing a show outside of the gender they were assigned at birth are banned? Well, we successfully fought to force the Iowa Legislature to tailor the bill more specifically so as not to ban ALL drag and theater performances. Only for the Federal Government to turn around and propose something even worse. Obscenity is defined so loosely that, should the bill pass, it could be used to criminalize protest and theater and TikTok Dancing and FanFiction… literally anything that a Fascist Uptight Utah Hyper Conservative considers to be obscene, could be made into a Criminal Act. So yes. You’re damned right we’re objecting to this bill! And every American who believes in freedom of any kind should as well! Not to mention we should follow this rabbit down the Project 2025 rabbit hole. SAVE act didn’t pass but not for lack of trying- a bill who would “accidentally” make it more difficult for married women to vote. Obscenity Ban has been proposed- a bill which would “accidentally” criminalize all OnlyFans content creators; a website and economic model MANY women raced to during the Pandemic. Add all of that with the other laws the Alt-Right has won or championed? This is a repeated, continued attack on women. This is a repeated attempt to say, “Until women return to being subservient to men and stay home giving us babies; we can’t let them be free to abort, vote, earn money.” This is intentionally a path towards the Taliban Religious Police but for Christians. A genuine Christian Taliban cracking down on what THEY believe is against THEIR religion! Not to mention, it is very much tied into their “We need more white babies” panic! Frankly, I find a Christian Taliban and “MORE WHITE BABIES NOW” focus to be FAR more offensive than some 22 year old with her tits out!!
(2) This one has a lot packed in because… so many issues.
(a) It has been well and truly established that too many of the people who have been captured and sent to “camps” are not, in fact, gang members. We live in a country where “If even 1 is convicted wrongly” that’s a problem. When you have percentages of people being sent to “camps” with zero confirmed gang ties? YOU CAN NO LONGER CALL THEM ALL GANG MEMBERS. Because what they are? Are immigrants, some of whom may have criminal histories, but by rushing and doing a shit job- we can’t say that confidently. And given the most recent numbers? We can’t even reliably call them all IMMIGRANTS which is something we shouldn’t be questioning after they’ve already been sent to CAMPS! So… the whole… pretending our concerns are for GANG MEMBERS is already stretching credulity.
(b) The defendants related to the incidents of January 6th were all given Due Process. Which… this is… okay, imagine whatever your job is… and what your job considers to be ENTRY LEVEL understanding is suddenly a national discussion… and an entire HALF of that discussion repeatedly demonstrates that they have NO IDEA what the ENTRY LEVEL topic actually is, but they confidently spread WRONG information about it EVERYWHERE. That’s where I live right now. Due Process and understanding Due Process is as fundamental to my job as understanding what FOOD is to a grocer… understanding the difference between a ROSE and a CACTUS to a florist… understanding why a person with A+ blood can’t have a B- donor to a hematologist! J6 Defendants were placed on Trial Calendars and either given attorneys or permitted to hire their own attorneys who would argue on their behalf and, when/if taken to trial, would argue the case before a Judge and/or a Jury. DUE PROCESS in its most bare bones capacity is NOTICE, OPPORTUNITY TO BE HEARD, and an IMPARTIAL FACT FINDER. In Omaha, we had people make this bullshit claim constantly. “Yo, judge, I never got due process, so this should be dismissed.” Which the judge always responded with, “You’re here before me in this court room. You have been notified what your charges are. You have been given the opportunity for an attorney. And you are before a judge at this very moment. Son, that is due process.” EVERY J6 DEFENDANT GOT THAT. Not every migrant being kidnapped and deported has received that. Which is ALSO the argument against “It would take too long to do trials”.... because that’s not what is being required. DUE PROCESS requires that the Defendant is formally notified of his charge, notified of when his hearing or trial is, and given an attorney or given an opportunity to hire an attorney. You can’t grab someone off of the street, put them into a van, secret them away to an airplane, and they find themselves in a foreign prison all of a sudden. THAT is “lack of due process.” AND when you consider the differences therein, you can see why Due Process is required. One is a legal exercise that establishes rules and formality. The other is kidnapping with a more expensive place to hold the victim! And even at our most “rights for victims, not for criminals”- Due Process was seen as an easy, perfunctory, and obvious bare minimum. J6ers GOT it; too many current targets of ICE are not getting it.
(c) This “the left wants illegals to vote” narrative is tired, old, worn out, and shitty. First and foremost, all reviews of the subject have demonstrated that there is “insufficient evidence to believe that illegal voting has ever changed election outcomes” as every vote has fewer illegal votes than would be required to sway an outcome. That being said? Look into it more deeply. Typically, the majority of “illegal votes” are accidental, not bad faith. Individuals who thought they were registered or who thought they had received their voting rights back; who were mistaken. But also- stop with this easily disproven horseshit claiming that only the Left ever gets illegal votes. The accidental votes mentioned earlier stretch across the spectrum from Far Left to Far Right. But in the Trump era we have seen (and proven) that MAGA will illegally vote intentionally. Some say they were doing it “to prove the election isn’t secure”; some say they were doing it because a friend or family member wasn’t voting that day so they wanted to make sure that vote counted, some simply say, “It’s that important” as though necessity was a justifiable excuse to violate federal election laws. So, just… for logic’s sake.. cut it out with this “The Left wants illegals so they can vote” bullshit.

Sorry! Got that out of my system! The country is currently fucked and it seems strange to the point of bizarre that what is keeping me here can be summarized as “Family, Theater, Job, fear of how difficult it would be to uproot my life and try to move to a foreign country where I don’t have money or access to money and certainly don’t have a job.”

SO… I have to work this weekend. So ultimately as far as SET THINGS for the weekend?
Friday Night: Beatrice & Benedick Rehearsal
Saturday:
9am- Court
11am- Dog Grooming
WORK LINES backwards, forwards, in circles, whatever you have to do!!!
Sunday:
9am- Court
1pm- Rehearsal LINES DUE

And into all of that, I need to figure out WHAT and HOW MUCH of anything else I can do. I need to walk dog or take to dog park. I need to do laundry. I need to make sure my upcoming work week is manageable. I would like to actually get shit done like say maybe mattress shopping or light bulb shopping or something but especially with where I am in my lines I know I need to focus on that a lot this weekend!!

And… I love acting. I’m not upset that my hobby is taking 15 to 30 hours a week. And my job this week requiring 42 to 50 hours a week isn’t the end of the world. YES on the high side that means my life (including drive time) is up to 81 hours already spoken for before you even get to things like showering and eating and sleeping. But the week actually has a full 168 hours in it! I still have a full 3 hours before my obligations are even half my week!! Now true… the dog needs at least an hour of exercise every day. So… that 81 becomes an 88. And if we’re going to add “expectations and health” we should factor in 56 hours for sleep. Meaning I still have a full 24 hours to do things like eat, shower, do laundry, work on the house, fuel my car, go to the grocery store, etcetera. I mean.... twenty four hours is an entire day without sleep! That’s loads of time!1 And therein enters the “Yeah, I may be neurodivergent” because I really do need to factor in about an hour for every day spent in the “trying to motivate, trying to move, trying to get out of my head and actually do things”. Which then, yes, brings that down to 17 hours to do “stuff”… and that’s not including any days where I am at the dog park for more than an hour. ::sigh:: I get it. I should just… continue to be okay with being a reed in the river. The current can carry me further a little, it will be okay. Focus on that which I must and when I have time for other things; I can turn my attention to it. It’s just… my brother doesn’t do that. My brother is capable in all the ways I’m not and considering how long that list is, that is saying a lot. Granted, it is why he generally has less empathy… if you’re eminently capable it can be hard to understand people who aren’t. BUT… yeah. I just… I wish I were more capable. And I honestly think if I were, I probably wouldn’t be floundering in the ways I am. Of course.

The handyman is fairly confident he can help me with Kitchen Toilet. I mentioned something about it yesterday but honestly? If I could get SINK and TOILET to both work and to both actually work and stay working? It would take less than 10 minutes to finish that room and call it good. And then I could feel like at least ONE room in the house was well and truly done. Almost three years in that house and.... there hasn’t been a room that felt purely DONE. Finished. “Resolved.” And I know “outdated windows” and “broken screens” will still be a part of if a room feels DONE but I’m not even talking that bit. I’m talking “This room functions properly. Has what it needs inside of it. What it does not need has been responsibly addressed and taken care of. THIS ROOM is finished in terms of “moving in”. THAT is what I’m talking about. And three years is.... a little long… to have ZERO rooms out of 16 finished for three years just… I’m embarrassed but I feel like I should be more embarrassed than I actually am! (UPDATE: Handyman is less confident now as it appears the previous owners REALLY DIY’d the thing to hell and back so warranty may be void due to no, honey, i got it bullshit thinking).

Last thing before going to trial: Between current Iowa statistics and the Dating App information, I’ve learned some terrible things about Iowa.
(1) We are number 1 in the nation for Binge Drinking; (2) We are number 24 in the nation for “most smokers”; (3) We are first or second in the nation for Novel Cancers; (4) we rank extremely highly in number of abusive puppy mills; (5) we rank 51st in access to Mental Health assistance; and (6) We have a very large portion of our 20 to 50 year old population identifying as very loud, very proud Anti-Vaxxers. SO… that’s… I hate this timeline. And some days I honestly just hate myself because I didn’t walk away from Nancy in 2009. I admit… I can’t say anything would have stayed the same otherwise… after 2009, I went to law school, I found my best friend, I fell in love with DnD, I was reintroduced to Anime, I returned to theater, I got NALA. There are a lot of positive things that happened after 2009 and I can’t say for certain that they would have happened or that anything better may have happened. But… trying to find a partner as a divorced 41 year old in Trump’s Christian Nationalist Timeline in Iowa.... compare that to trying to find a partner as an unmarried 25 year old in Obama’s first months in office in Iowa. Massively different picture!

My afternoon hearings/trials were.... well, the first one went okay. The second one? Went well enough. The young man can barely speak English and is demanding a Jury Trial where he will have to represent himself. I reviewed the body camera on this case. Officer approaches based on reports of a fight; Defendant essentially does the equivalent of “psh, fuck you man, get outta here. I don’t have to listen to you.” The officer then informs the man he will be placed under arrest, the man fights the officer because “fuck you, I’m not under arrest.” EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS CASE screams “You get the wrong jury, jury nullification.” Because “what do you mean I have to comply with an officer who is arresting me?!” Well… you can’t physically resist an officer placing you under arrest. That’s the law. Was the arrest justified? Well, Defendant was the individual people had reported fighting patrons of the bar. Defendant began fighting officers in front of the bar. Officers’ reports indicate that Defendant was drunk and fighting people. SO.... now we get to ask the fun question: If you want a world where a drunk guy gets to pick fights and fight people at random because he can’t handle his booze? Then by all means, we can have that world. Until then, the law permits officers to intervene. If, while officers are intervening, the man decides “fuck these cops” and starts fighting? Well… that’s how suddenly we go from 1 officer to 6 officers. And if it takes 6 officers to be present, dragging you in handcuffs, before you stop fighting? I’m gonna go ahead and say you committed a criminal violation. Now, we can take this in front of a jury. We can burn 60 hours of State’s labor preparing this case. But the truth is… however this case resolves? Nobody that matters is going to care. For the jury? This is a shitty inconvenience that they’ll get over the moment they leave. For the judge? This is practically a vacation. I’ll work my ass off in the middle of Shakespeare to put on a Criminal Jury Trial. Defendant will think everything is going fine until the day of trial, where he’ll freak out “What do you mean I have to do this myself?!” which is something he’s been told three times by now. It’s just.... jury trials for this kind of thing are always a waste. Which is why a person has to proactively ask for one.

Before work ended, I got a text from the theater. They were asking if I wanted to Stage Manage the children’s show when school starts back up. I’ve never Stage Managed before. I let them know that I would be interested but that I also want to audition for the Maple and Vine show across town.... so if I could audition for that and Stage Manage if I didn’t book the role, I’d be up for it. Maybe a shitty way to put that. BUT.... specifically THIS theater chose a season of almost entirely musicals or children’s shows. When the theater across town responds by focusing on newer, experimental plays? YES, I want to support that and be a part of that, if they’ll let me! Not to mention… my history so far? Is to do one show for each theater. Murder at the Howard Johnson’s and Merry Wives of Windsor then The Book Club Play and Julius Caesar (also Beauty and the Beast). This year… I didn’t get into the show across town when I usually do as this year that show was a musical. SO… let me try to get into one of the plays, please? lol.

No rehearsal tonight so I’ll just save this proper. Grocery Store, Dog Park, studying my lines like crazy, and ordering breakfast for the office is the remainder of my evening!