Entry 136: Catching UP The Weekend in Much Ado About Nothing

So, I may publish two entries today as my weekend was… different… so I just threw notes into a file called Draft 136. So I’ll write this, publish it, than write Entry 137.

I left off with the Friday Show but I can’t remember if I’d said that, running into the Shakespeare Director, she mentioned that she might be cancelling rehearsals for the weekend. Well… I had my Saturday carefully planned out. But this wrench could change everything. Lord knows, this is one of those behaviors that convinced Hermia I was autistic but.... waking up on Saturday knowing that the entire weekend hinged upon a confirmation e-mail? Everything I’d originally planned went out the window! Instead of bounding out of bed and getting my oil changed before turning around and doing a big Nature Hike with the Dog and ending the day working on Home Things.... I slept in, periodically waking up to check my e-mail. At 10-ish, the e-mail came through confirming that rehearsals had been cancelled for the weekend. OKAY. That means that I could go visit my parents for Mother’s Day! But I’m not just going to… start driving.... and surprise them 2 hours away. I know they wouldn’t turn me away or anything but if I would be upset if they popped by no call, then I owe them the same courtesy. So, I got out of bed, started packing and had everything more or less ready to go and called my mother. No answer. I called my father. No answer. Okay. That’s… not entirely unexpected. Lets go for a quick drive with the dog. About an hour later, as the drive was ending, mom called me back and green lit me coming for the night. She did give a warning though… apparently Dad had been considerably bad with alcohol this week! Which.... I thank her for the warning and it, of course, makes me concerned for what she’s seeing, putting up with, and working around.

I pack Nala and everything else up and we head out. Traffic is… heavy, but not abysmal until we get to West Des Moines itself. The exit I usually take is entirely closed and the ripple effect of that is felt for a good 2 miles in front and behind that exit. TWO of three lanes on the INTERSTATE on a SATURDAY come to a screeching, apply brakes and stop moving halt. So as this final stretch of road is taking longer than it took to drive through Ames… I finally see just past the Exit Closed to a 5 car accident. So that’s why a simple Exit Closed is crippling this interstate right now. Because at a portion of road that is already dangerous, and was dangerous enough to cause a five car accident, we now have the damned rubberneckers making it more so! Luckily, as I grew up in this area, I know what exits to take when the one I need is closed. I simply merged onto the highway and took the exit to JORDAN CREEK TOWNCENTER which is always a crazy exit to begin with but made more so when you have Road Raged Douches who were furious about a closed exit and made more so by an accident. Honestly, had someone try to pass me and cut me off racing to the red light of the exit ramp. Like… I get that you’re feeling a strong emotion right now.... but putting yourself and other cars in danger just so you can wait an extra 91 seconds at the red light seems foolish to the point of pathological.

We got to my parents and Nala raced to the door, vocalizing wildly. Like loud high pitched “let me in I want to say hi please let me in so I can say hi!” as I gathered my things. Strangely, nobody came to the door to let Nala in. I open the door, Nala bursts into the house, walks past my dad, and goes to the backdoor. Dad is 2 feet from the door where we entered. He turns, sees me, is surprised, and asks if I brought the dog with me. So… he most definitely was not wearing his hearing aids! We have a chat, he tells me Mom is walking the dog and I get settled. About an hour later, Dad asks me a series of questions that prove he either did not hear me when we had our chat, or could not hold on to the information. Either way is a bit concerning. But the evening went well. I never saw him take a drink or a toke, and he seemed to more or less hold himself together but for some backpain. Parents went to bed, I finally saw the 3rd Bill & Ted Movie. End of day.

Sunday morning, we all went to church. Nothing major, really. Mom was playing at the traditional service. Went to church, came home, waited for what was to come. My brother’s family was going to come, drop off the dog and go to Go Carts, my mom was going to the symphony. I was mostly cruising around online and… oh my great goodness. ANOTHER in the “This Always Online Culture is broken!” There was a clip from the Batman Animated Series. It is a scene from the episode The Laughing Fish where… the Clown motif involves an acid flower. Joker uses it most. Harley used a version that was like in a perfume bottle or something and poisons a civilian with a delayed reaction version of the Joker Toxin. The clip in question is Batman speaking to the guy who is itching where he was sprayed and the guy says, “Joker’s girl squirted on me” sending Batman into a panic demanding emergency medical for the man immediately. Except… modern internet and everyone being too online.... the whole thing had become a porn meme. Thousands and thousands of comments of people completely losing it that “something so dirty would be in a kid’s cartoon show!” And… ::giant sigh::..... this is how I know that the rise and public acceptability of porn mixing with the “be online 24/7, have no connections that are not online” are terrible things. Like… when a submarine sandwich company puts out an online poll “How do you top your sub?” Sure. I expect that to get the teehee online sex obsessed answer because that is a poll being created TODAY, aware of TODAY’s cultural reality LEANING IN to the double entendre. But watching a cartoon… from 1993… and spiraling out about “HA! THEY SAID SQUIRT!” is… well, it’s the kind of thing that makes me despair for the modern culture, that’s for sure!

Then Dad starts talking to me about “Go Cart Racing” because he didn’t see anything in the paper. I am confused. Go Cart Racing… an indoor track activity involving people driving small vehicles around a track. Dad showed me how he was looking even online to see where there was a Go Cart Racing event. I had him define what he meant. People build a cart, go to a big hill, and race downhill with hay bales and that kind of thing. I assured him that such was not the kind of Co Cart Racing that they were talking about. Dad was pretty sure I was wrong because he knows Go Cart Racing… he remembers Go Cart Racing! When my brother’s family arrived and defined the activity… “an indoor track activity involving people driving small vehicles around a track.” it became further evidence of the “This is why the aging boomers are dangerous when they vote” issue. In modernity, when people say “Lets go Go Cart Racing”… how many people think Saturdays of Thunder? A Simpsons episode that some called “anachronistic” even when it first aired in 1991.
The big surprise was that my brother’s family wanted me to come with them! Ultimately, it was a fun thing to do for my SIL’s birthday and my niece (at all of 11 years old) has already voiced an interest in learning how to drive… so Go Carts was a good first “Welcome and here’s an experience.” The place itself was okay, but had 2 guys there who were… I appreciate competitiveness. I do not appreciate treating an 11 year old poorly on the track because YOU want to make sure you humiliate your buddy in front of his girlfriend. NOR do I appreciate literally being rammed in your frustration that you couldn’t pass me, you little shit.

Then after that, chatting with my brother’s in laws, then Mother’s Day Dinner. AND ultimately, Dad was pretty good regarding alcohol and marijuana. And it resonated a bit with me that… he’s falling back on his negative coping mechanisms out of loneliness. His best friend died a year ago. Mom was saying how Dad was discussing things lately and everything eventually turned back to “a memory with Craig”… I mean, he’d had the same best friend by his side for over 65 years! I don’t seek to claim any expertise or anything but… when your grief and/or loneliness start to choke you… yeah, our genetic predisposition sends us into a bottle. I’m very familiar with this move. So, I think having the dogs and niece and kids and all that- I think that helped him stay clear headed this weekend.

And in the quiet moments at my parents’ place, I cruised the Dating Apps and… I’m reaching a point that seems… strange. I do want to meet someone special. I do eventually want to get re-married and have kids. I do want a healthy version of the life I was trying to build. But I’m less convinced than ever that such can be done through these dating apps. And that’s not just due to the EXTREME nothing I’m getting from them. It is also about the filtration process to begin with. Anyone I match with at all, on the rare occasions when it happens, is always 100 miles away or more. Now, I don’t mind driving 2 hours or even 1 hour to meet someone… but as for an actual relationship it seems.... a bit much. Especially with my schedule! Maybe if I were still some Best Buy Retail Associate so I could schedule a morning shift, drive out- spend a weekend, schedule an evening shift so I can sleep in… all that. But with my present schedule? Forget about it! IN the Courthouse by 8. Stay until 5. Rehearsal at 6 until 8:30. Dog Duties from 8:30 to 9 or 9:30. VERY GENUINELY if a person wants to meet up and they are more than 30 minutes away, I can only meet on Saturdays and… driving a full 4 hour road trip for a coffee or something is.... a bit much. So, I’m stuck in this rather “I do want a relationship” but when reviewing profiles, I’m also thinking “But I’m not exactly I want a relationship so bad, I’ll crisscross the State or drive to Minnesota, Illinois, or Wisconsin every weekend. WHICH IS GOOD, frankly, because I also need to avoid the 2023 issue of “I want a relationship so much, I’ll say yes to anything.” Which then leaves me with “only local women in Dating Apps” or “IRL”. Local Women in dating apps? I ran into, on different profiles:
“Don’t match with me if you ever voted for Biden, you hate this country.”
“Don’t match with me if you ever voted for Harris, race traitors unwelcome.”
“Don’t match with me if you support poisoning children with the jab.”
“Don’t match with me if your vaccinated or want to be.”
“Don’t match with me if you think your fancy college education means a damn thing.”
SO YOU CAN SEE WHY I’M THINKING I MAY JUST BE SCREWED ENTIRELY

Drove home, unpacked. Realized several annoying conflicting realities.
I have a lot to do in my office and at work.
I have a lot to do in my home and about my home (from fencing to chimney to windows and doors to figuring out HOW or WHERE to hang all of my damned art to… just so much!)
I have a lot to do in my script about memorizing these bloody Shakespeare soliloquys!
I just… I have a LOT to do… and entirely lack the knowledge, the funds, the time, the ability to get it all managed. And with that, I went to bed. Though… even that added a “consider purchasing”.... Nala is 6. She can still run and jump and play with the best of them. My bed is pretty high, though. And she wanted up but didn’t trust that she could make the jump! So… considering stairs or ramp for Bed Access now. Which also makes me think, sad though it is, whenever that Dog dies… I’ll pretty much be gutted. The “now you’re really alone” will descend quickly and it will be an immense challenge.