Update! in Since OD is shutting down....

So I was alone last night while my boyfriend was sleeping and my daughter was outside with her friends and started looking on Google about custody/visitation and parental alienation. I am very concerned that he could go into court and scream alienation because he hasn’t seen her in almost a year. I didn’t have anyone to talk to so I decided to call him. It was his birthday and he was at a bar. He was there with some girl who started talking shit as soon as he told her who he was on the phone with and I could hear her saying mean things. After we got off the phone, she called me and kept trying to talk shit where I hung up and blocked her number.

I am really over the drama with this situation. We had a pretty civil conversation until that girl had to get involved. I just feel there’s been enough drama and turmoil in this that I would really like it if everyone would just shut the fuck up and get it through their heads that this isn’t about them! I am to go get her today and take her to where he is so they can go swimming. I believe he’s going to have her for a day over the weekend as well..

Why am I doing this? Well, I would rather just start now instead of waiting until it’s ordered and I feel forced. I’d rather be able to go into court and say that he wants every Wednesday for a couple of hours and every other weekends and we split holidays. I’d rather make it easier for the judge and honestly, myself. I don’t want to worry about going to court more than once and I’d like to try and get things arranged before court. I want to look as good as I possibly can in court because I know he’s going to try and run his mouth and even if he does, I can say I reached out and asked what he wanted for visitation.

I also understand that she needs both of us. I just need for him to quit trying to create conflict. We could have a really good situation if he would just worry about our child and not trying to constantly incite drama. He keeps trying to bring up my boyfriend where I respond, but not about that. I make sure to not defend myself, explain myself or say more than what I need to. I’ve been watching a lot of videos on Facebook and Tik Tok about how to handle high conflict co-parents and the right way to respond to their antics.

I still believe that once he realizes there will be accountability for him while he has her and that I won’t be controlled by time or emotion, he’s going to get bored and probably go away. I hope not for my daughter’s sake but I do think once he starts seeing her and realizes that this is just about her, he’s going to feel differently.

My thoughts are definitely unorganized today because my nerves are shot. I had a helluva time going to sleep last night and couldn’t stay asleep. I don’t like any of this and it makes me want to gouge my own eyes out. I feel like there’s pins and needles all over my body and my mind is going 100mph. The drama is always going to be there and I do worry that it’s going to be more than I can handle and I’m going to be stuck dealing with it. All I can do is not get sucked down into it ever again.

I gotta get her from school because he doesn’t have a way to pick her up and I don’t want her walking. I also have to supply a bathing suit and snacks. I will absolutely be talking about this in court. I shouldn’t have to continuously wipe his ass when he has a fucking job and needs to start making a budget so that he can take care of her on his time. I shouldn’t have to be responsible for EVERYTHING at all times! He’s a grown ass man and needs to realize that this is HIS CHILD TOO!

There’s so much I want to say but I have to start getting ready to go. I’m just annoyed that he hasn’t done more to get himself stable and I’m still on the hook for certain aspects even though I’ve been the full time parent for almost 8 years! All of this really does suck and again folks, be aware of who you are laying down with. This is not something I would wish upon my worst enemy! That 15 minutes of pleasure has warranted a lifetime of pain. Part of me wishes that I would have let him see her in the past 6 months but I also know that it’s better to go about it through the courts where there’s going to be a schedule, not just when he decides to play Dad.

Even last night, he was saying how he basically wanted to pick her up from school whenever. Uh no, I need to know a specific day or time and not risk her not having someone not show up! He still just doesn’t get it and it’s honestly scary! Like hello, she can’t just stay at school indefinitely! I seriously can’t believe I had a child with someone like this and after all these years, he’s still just as flakey and irresponsible! He asked me last night if I was calling because I got his taxes. No, I wouldn’t call on YOUR BIRTHDAY to gloat that I got your taxes?!? Like holy fuck! I have NEVER once gloated about getting money from him! He says that shit because that’s exactly what he would do to me if he was able!

Anyways, I’m going to talk to my boyfriend and then get down the road. More later.