Judging in Journal

How safe are you and, can you be of any benefit to me?
That the feeling I had when entering the group. “You can trust me.” Oh, okay. Just let me set aside all my discernment, then! I clearly don’t need that with anyone who says I can trust them. Lol.

Ah.. so the biggest thing that is stuck in my mind like a splinter is… Moral responsibility. Moral action and moral ownership and moral responsibility… Whether or not I said it in the “right” way, I still said it. Whether or not he chose out of bitterness or appeasing or anger, he still chose it.
So there is where I’m stuck. Like a bug crawling haplessly across the dartboard and skewered like a grisly shishkabob. I can take all the ownership in the WORLD for my choices, my decisions, my actions whether right or wrong. But all I can do is hope that others around me do the same. I can only refuse to pick up what isn’t mine. But I cannot make anyone else pick up their own shit.
And I can never expect anyone to change. He’ll go on being EXACTLY THE SAME as he ever was.

On August 8 2024 I felt Equanimity diffuse through my body like cool water. It’s still here with me, now.
These last few weeks have been absolute WILD. In terms of inner clarity and insight after life changing insight.. I no longer even have a firm grasp on… Heck. I don’t even know really what I’m talking about. The thing that identified my character or personality or identity? My story? My narrative? “My” as is the things that were unique to my life. But now it sends like almost nothing is unique to my life, that the deeper I go, the more universal and ubiquitous my experience is. I just happen to be in correlation with this body/time/space. And as I deepen, clearer alignment of thought and emotional perception is possible.

I do need work on my Emotional body. It’s the most unbalanced body in my field. I feel like it’s deep colors transparently swirling, whorling, creating their own dynamics and relationships with each other but also representing blocks, and stagnation and weaknesses and parasitic entities.

The guilt of my mother, the humiliation of my father, and now the resentment of myself, all moving, all shifting, in energetic dance to renew stagnant places, bring freshness and perspective.