Today is going to be long and full of terrors.
The only thing I can do right is sleep. That has not been the case since I quit coffee. I’m waking up every three hours to void my bladder. I’m out here trying to reset my nervous system, but my body is throwing resistance at me. The sleep deprivation caught up with me yesterday. I left work early with severe brain fog and a headache. Barely made it to my bed when I passed out—woke up feeling worse. I was tossing and tortured all night because of that nap. I can feel the headache creeping up on me already this morning because it was another restless night.
Work is throwing a barbecue today. That will be where I will start my day. I’m leaving that early to volunteer at the shelter again. This time it is just a cleanup down by the river where the houseless camp. I will have to go three hours without a bathroom available. I will also have to pay for parking this time. I’m already dreading this. I scoop up our new participant on my way back from that volunteer work and take him to our office. As you can see, there isn’t anything to be stressed about, but my brain has turned this into the worst day ever and I’ve only been up for 30 minutes.
My mood will pass. Until then, every single inconvenience is just going to feel like it is piling up. My phone charger stopped working, and so did my new wireless keyboard. My website is still not fixed yet. This is good shit. This is what my emotional incontinence wants right now.
In other news, my roommate decided that she wants to become a firefighter now. She is premenopausal, 5‘3”, 110lbs, and almost 40. I feel like this woman would just be a liability. I would never want my life in her hands. I told her that she would have to go back to school and get chemistry. Maybe that will crush her dreams right there. I know she doesn’t have it in her to feel stupid, and school is not a place where ADHD people feel smart. If she does go back to get Chem 40S, I will go with her.
I ate like shit yesterday. I want to correct that today, but I don’t have the willpower to pull it together in the kitchen. I want to go to the gym after I write this entry, but we shall see. I also finished A Dance With Dragons yesterday. I’m caught up with A Song of Ice and Fire. What a trip. I don’t think the show, Game of Thrones, did a horrible job when it came to the books. A lot of their decisions make sense. The two seasons they had when they ran out of books… still trash.
Anyway, I am just upset that I am upset. I want to have an awesome day. The sun will be shining, I will get to be outside to enjoy the heat that we are finally having today. 20C, we are practically being spoiled in my ice city. I want to match the glory of the day and be fabulous. I’ll fake it until I make it.
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