Interesting convo in Journal

Just now,
Questioning whether I identify with wounded scripts.
I say no. I identify with my choices. Which includes the choice not to identify with past programming.
How do I know which is true?
If I am making conscious choices with self knowledge, then I am by definition not acting out programming.

It’s interesting though what previous conceptions I may be bringing into a women’s group. What possible value could they provide me? 😂 Yes, I am judging. Yet it’s also a valid basic question. it’s necessary to get my needs met. I need training. Are they capable of transference of information with minimal personal distortion as efficiently as possible? No? Then idgaf. Like, my visceral motivational energy just vanishes
And, when I say things like “I don’t care”, it’s not a forced assertion. I’m actually just observing that as a state within myself. I really actually check in. Do I care? Nope. Moving on. I don’t judge it or say oh, but why? Bc I should care- it’s not like that at all. I just check in. Observe the answer. And I accept it as complete AND true. Simple.

I never could have done that without self knowledge. Just speaking of my own capabilities here, not anyone else.

I would have asserted that I don’t care because maybe I felt rejected or hurt or some other thing. It would have been completely reactary response based on programming. The weird thing about self knowledge is you can perform the exact same behaviors, and they look exactly the same from the outside. Also, usually it’s a complete PITA to describe to some normie who also has highly questionable ability to provide me any value my process. So I say something like “maybe I’m a little unique” compared to the rest… And ofc Ms. Normie is all like “unique is a wound to hide behind and identify with”.. okay. Great.

I also have trouble respecting people that make assumptions and have very little curiousity themselves. Like “you should be curious” and then just doesn’t ask questions or makes assumptions. Mmhmmmm.

So, yeah. How would I assess the level of self knowledge of anyone? Are they doing what they’re telling me to do? If not, are they even aware enough to acknowledge that they’re not doing it and explain why? If not, then I kinda sorta ask a few questions of my own, to determine if my original assessment was right or not. and then I’m done.

Maybe some of the other people are better.