If I'm Being Honest in The Kid Used To Dream

If I’m being honest I am never actually honest with myself. I tend to lie to myself a lot. I tell myself things that I already know I don’t believe.

Recently, I tend to believe that no matter what you do you can’t control some things. I’ve been working my ass off to make some things happen and I keep hitting brick walls. I don’t intend to give up - at the moment.

It’s just disconcerting to watch people around me walk easily into things I’ve been working for now for a while. At the same time - I recognize that I am experiencing some small victories that someone else my feel the same way I do.

I’m not sure what the happy medium is. Do I accept where I am as this is as good as it will ever be? Should I abandon some of my dreams and switch to something more grounded?

There’s gotta be something more than what I have.

I had the opportunity to work a catering job for my aunt. It was a fundraiser event where all the elites from town spent a lot of money to eat a meal that was over priced in order to raise money. What’s funny is they don’t even realize there’s an award winning musician picking up their dirty plates. Someone who does very well for the work they do - and rather than trying to look like the richest guy in the room, takes the approach to serve them. I feel amazing when I do this. Sometimes better than when I’m playing music.

Oh well - I have a 5 day road trip ahead of me this week. I have to make some connections and hopefully get some R & R while I’m on the road. Probably won’t happen with the crew I have going with me this trip.