Life. in Since OD is shutting down....

So my daughter went back to school after Spring break. She had a good day. I worked a while this morning. I made a decent amount and came home. I’m having serious issues with my left arm and need to address it. I’ve dealt with it for a couple of years and it’s time to get some new xrays done. I’m happy that I see my dr on Thursday and he’ll probably do a referral somewhere. I seriously can’t stand the pain I find myself in when I move wrong.

My boyfriend and I hung out today. We were pretty bored but went to the park. He’s still not feeling super great and is taking a nap on the couch. My daughter and I went to the store and I got fried chicken and a couple of sides for dinner. I got an awesome deal on groceries and plan to keep checking for that same deal again. I got $75 worth of stuff for about $50! I seriously am so happy about it. I wanted this certain underarm stuff and got 2 of them for about $5! I can’t wait to try it. I also got Dasani 2 for $4 each and a couple cases of soda for cheap as well. I don’t buy soda a lot but I got a really good deal and it’s zero sugar.

I have an appointment in the morning to meet with my kid’s counselor at 9. I plan to get her up and ready for school, take her and then get some coffee to kill time and then head over there. Starting work at 6am is starting to get to me. I don’t want to be burnt out before Summer hits so tomorrow, I’m going to start after that appointment. I wouldn’t mind making a little bit of money and then coming home. If it’s not busy, I’m not going to wait around for too long because I honestly feel that I need a little bit of a break.

My boyfriend has court in a few days for the PO my little brother asked for. I don’t know how that’s gonna go. The one my bitch of a Mother put on my Dad got dismissed. The reason I know is because I had my best friend text and ask. I’ve been checking everyday and my boyfriend doesn’t have a warrant so I don’t know if he’s going to get charged or not. I am so sorry that everything happened but my family has completely disowned me and honestly, they were looking for a reason. They’ve always walked out of my life and discarded my daughter and I like we’re trash so it’s no big thing.

All I know is if my Mom thinks she’s going to text me in 6 months when she’s broke and tired of putting up with my little brother, I won’t even bother to reply. Nah, you made the decision to walk out of my life and my daughter’s life so I’m going to help you stick with your decision. This has happened my entire life and has happened since my daughter was born that I think since we can obviously go months and even years without speaking, we need to leave it that way. I get that she’s upset about what my boyfriend did but deciding to drop me like I’m disposable will never sit right with me. I can’t control what other people do.

I’m more pissed at myself than anything because I’ve done a great job over the past few years of not helping them and then I do. I chose to get sucked back into the bullshit and got fucked over once more. I will never forgive this shit. I am so fucking sick of helping these people and never seeing a dime that I honestly believe this is it. My daughter has messaged her a couple of times since this happened and she doesn’t answer. Okay, well why does my 7 year old need to be punished?!?! She was at home sleeping when everything went down and my Mom is choosing to cut her off too?!?!?

I have court in a month because he petitioned for parenting time. I have no idea what to expect or what I should bring with me. I have plenty I can bring to show his emotional abuse but it didn’t matter when I tried to get a PO so I don’t have any reason to believe that it will matter for this either. I do plan to ask about a schedule, if we can do pick ups and drop off at her school, and if we can communicate through a parenting app. I won’t ask if the judge decides on supervised visits. I’ll let the judge do the talking before I ask my questions.

I personally believe that once DB realizes that this is going to be an expensive inconvenience where he’s not going to be able to control/abuse me, he probably will bail out. I hope not for the sake of my daughter, but I know how this has gone a thousand times before and just expect it. I know there’s a good chance it’ll start off really decent but within a short amount of time, he’ll go back to being abusive/threatening and full of excuses. I plan to document everything. If my daughter comes home and he’s said anything negative/drama filled, I’m not even going to waste my energy confronting him, I’m just going to document it.

Seriously, I really do hope for the best for my daughter. I hope that he’s honestly planning to be a better person and just solely focus on her but I know that this is just another attempt to control me, worry about my business, and feel that he’s got some type of control. It’s funny that he waits all these years to get parenting time. He didn’t care back when she needed 24/7 care, but is worried about being a Dad now? It’s laughable honestly.

I remember begging him to be a Dad and him full of excuses, calling me names, and almost laughing at me because I was about to break and now he gets to swoop in and get time?! Wow. I really hope that everyone who reads my diary chooses carefully who they are laying down with because I wouldn’t wish this shit upon my worst enemy. I got to do all the hard work by my motherfucking self and now that she’s older, more self sufficient, I have to share her. Unreal.

Anyways, I’m going to watch TV.