To let love grow. In front of me I have this beautiful wonderful man. We just spent an absolutely beautiful day together. It was darn near perfect.
Last pm before he went to work he stopped by while the kids weren’t here. I used that opportunity to ask him when he plans on telling his people about me. He danced around it and never really answered my question exactly. He said he hasn’t had a chance to tell his bil (for very legitimate reasons). Now he plans on telling his sister instead. His sister is married to a widower who also had kids. He knows she has his back no matter what. He can kind of bounce ideas off of her. Then he plans on taking his kids to one of their spots and telling them all at the same time. With the exception of the oldest one because he considers him to be grown and has a family of his own now and is also a drama man. He is going to tell his kids that he doesn’t want that info leaving them. That’s not a bad idea for now, just to let them deal with the blow first and process it all. But he has yet to say when he’s going to do all this.
I wanted him to stay the night tonight but at the same time, I don’t want him to because I don’t want to let myself feel any closer to him right now. I want to wait until he does this. I’m afraid of letting myself get to close to him just in case things don’t work out for us. I’m at a disadvantage right now because I’m already in love with him. I wanted to be able to let our love grow naturally… like a combination of baby steps and wildfire all at different times. But for now I am putting it on pause and trying to pace myself. That doesn’t feel too natural to me. But since he is such a good man and I love him so much and because love is a give and take… for now I will put this on pause.
I’m just too afraid to do anything else with it at this point.