333 in Current Events

I am not a machine. Everyone got to see that I am human yesterday.

I am cooked. Medium rare. I am taking today off unless I decide at the last second to go in. I miss our kids so much it hurts. I haven’t seen them all week. This was the most intense week of the year. We all had to blow our budgets for the end of the fiscal year. I carried my team through that. Most of the expense plan was mine. Most of the execution was me. I kept us grounded and safe. I am happy to do it. Crisis management is where I shine. Honestly, this was playtime for me. This is where my ADHD is an asset. This controlled demolition of our budget… chefs kiss. I get so much job satisfaction working here.

I abuse my credit cards for work. I submit my expense claims and then I get reimbursed. Two weeks ago, I audited my expense claims and found $5560 worth that I had not claimed. They were from January when I was sick and trying to function. I audited my claims one last time before our spending freeze and found one $1356 purchase that I failed to claim. I needed the receipt and they told me that I had to go in with my card to get that receipt. I had already made a round-trip so I was pissed. I had a mini meltdown and I think I scared everyone at the office. I ran out of time before I could audit my expenses further. I am going to do that today.

I got to make a third round-trip to my office. I was lying in bed when my roommate called me. Her car was missing. It was towed. Of course, I drove to the rescue. She was at her boxing gym, the one I take our kids to. It was two blocks away from my office which I swung by after. I forgot my personal budget book there so I took the opportunity to get it.

Everything has been happening in threes. I feel like a shaman trying to interpret the will of Creator whenever the synchronicities are strong. Something is coming. It will be one of two things but I mustn’t put it out there in the aether yet. Especially since I have a name of a deity stuck in my head for no reason that is ringing like a bell three times. I mustn’t say it out loud either. I manifest things unwillingly and it comes to me backwards whenever this happens. Now I feel like I am walking on eggshells.

The young lady that I share an office space with just quit. Thursday was her last day. She didn’t put in a notice. She runs the girl version of our program. Head office made a decision that directly hurt four of her participants and that was the last straw. There is a lot happening in operations. I suspect an internal investigation regarding our funding. My intuition is telling me that they are being investigated for laundering. There is a lot of conflict of interest. Our program director quit and the person subbing that position is taking us in a whole different direction. I like the direction we are going. This one decision, however, was not right.

The body isn’t even cold yet and I am going to be moving us to her side of the office. It’s three times the size of the sliver my other mentor and I are sharing. I am not asking either. I’m just doing it. I felt claustrophobic yesterday which contributed to my meltdown.

Yeah, I suck at taking it easy. I am going to go to the office today but just so I can see our kids. It will be a good time. I’m sure we are all clocking out once they leave. We need a breather.

I was going to join Bruce and her fiance at their gym this morning. I’ll catch them on another day. I am visiting with Bev later. Tomorrow, my roommate and I are going thrifting. It will still be a good weekend. I’ll take Tuesday off. My coordinator will support it. He’s very grateful to have me as a backseat driver. Well, copilot. He wants me to take a breather too.

I don’t have the requisite words to adequately describe how I have been feeling the last several years but I discovered this song the other day. I’ve had blasted on repeat. I ignore the words and this is exactly what I have been feeling nonstop.