Entry 48: My Fingers Hurt in Much Ado About Nothing

On Sunday, I woke up right as church was starting. Ultimately, I could have grabbed my phone or my computer and watched the service from home anyway; but I knew I had to get my driveway and sidewalk addressed. Now, I did have my snowblower returned. And they said they had fixed it. But I hadn’t tried it again yet. So, literally praying as I got dressed, I prepared to snow blow for the first time since the old house! As I got to the snowblower, there was a part of the engine in a plastic bag hanging off the handle. K. I’m assuming that was the broken part. Returning it seems… an interesting choice, but whatever. So I address the snowblower proper. HOW do I turn it on? There is a choke, there is a fuel valve, and there is the on off key… and after dealing with that then I have to pull the cord like on the mower. Whereas the mower is just… pull the cord. SO… let’s try combinations! It took me… a while to get it right. But I finally did! Took care of the driveway, took care of the sidewalk, all good! Then I grabbed a shovel and went to the backyard! When the snow accumulates up to Nala’s elbow, I used to carve paths in the snow for her so that she could easily go out and do her business. She’s still adventurous and likes to play, so I know she’ll still walk around in the deeper snow… but especially as a creature who leans, bends, or otherwise gets closer to the ground to go to the bathroom… I want to make sure there is an easy path for her to use in case of emergency or comfort. Though, I will say, the paths at the old house were more fun to build and more fun for Nala in general. She had her figure 8 that she loved to run, so I always dug that out. Then I would dig a straight line access from the door to that figure 8. That being taken care of, I would then do a few fun little maze offshoots from the main path. In this yard? She’s got a path she prefers but it isn’t as fun. So I dig a path from the Deck to the Basement door, then I dig a path from the basement door to the fence and back and call it a day. Now, of course I took proper Winter Weather Wear Precautions. Jeans, Boots, Thermal Socks, under shirt, top shirt, winter coat, winter cap, winter gloves. But when I came back inside to check on Nala after I was finished, the fingers on my dominant hand hurt so much! I was in Boy Scouts, so I knew what to do, and put them inside my shirt under my left armpit to warm up. But WOW and OW my fingers hurt!!

As I let my fingers warm up, I checked messages.
(1) A friend from Theater texted. She’s… well.... I was in Midsummer Night’s Dream with their child. She was in one of the movie things that I did over this last year. It was during that movie thing, while I was still with Hermia, that I discovered that she was single. Photos of the Speed Dating hit Facebook (as I signed a waiver for my likeness to be used online should pictures of the event be posted) and I was front and center for one of the pictures. It is possible to read the message that was sent regarding that as “A friend checking to see how the event was” or as “A single woman is reaching out upon discovering that you are single.” It’s me. I never assume interest. EVER. And treated it like the first. We’ll… see if that was correct or not.
(2) I did get the match list back. As expected, for the most part, I have no idea what the names
listed attach to.
I matched with 4 of the women there (out of 21 total women; about half of which I said yes to). Of the four, I remember one very well, one very vaguely, and two not at all. And I’ll admit… I only said yes to women who checked off three boxes: (1) Do I like this person’s energy; (2) Does our conversation suggest this person is in any way altruistic; (3) could I sit with them and enjoy a potentially 20 minute conversation. So, these four checked those three boxes.
The one I remember very well?
(1) I was very attracted to, reminded me of Shannon’s energy, and literally our conversation was cut off. Like… as the “change places” call went out, her face dropped and she said, “There is so much more I want to talk to you about!” She’s had a number of jobs before but all fitting into an Altruism Spectrum. Like “Vet Tech”- so has taken care of animals; and Immigrant Assistance Non Profit- so understands human hardship and helping others. She has at least one child. NOW the cynics in the world might say, “Dude, she was practically falling out of her top that night! I know that has to play a part in your decision!” And I will admit the possibility that her attire and decolletage had something to do with my response… it’s not unlikely. Not to mention, a little Post-Notice Internet Sleuthing strongly suggests she may be into Kink! But ultimately, all of that is covered by making reference to Shannon’s energy. And thus, only if the physical attraction is returned does it matter in any way.
The one I very vaguely remember?
(2) She has one of the Irish/Scottish names that grabs my attention for dear life. Depending on its usage and history, the name means either “Born of Fire”, “Ardent Love,” or “Firesprung” which, one could argue, are all the same thing ultimately. I remember thinking she had a cute face with very cute hair; a big smile and a warm energy. Tragically, I can’t recall exactly what we talked about but I have a good reason for that. I can remember exactly where we were in the room, exactly what portion of the evening we spoke, I remember all of the visual stimuli exactly. Which means (and I remember) I was in the exact center of the room surrounded on all sides by people who were all speaking loudly. My anxiety was pretty high, but I was managing it. But that is also why I can’t recall what we were discussing. My “survive this and be ready to move should there be violence” braincells were firing at full blast.
The ones I don’t remember at all?
(3/4) Well, I don’t remember them. I went to the Facebook Page and reconstructed which was which from the pictures; but the pictures of them are just their backs (pictures were to capture “the room and activity” so wasn’t about getting certain people in frame). Their phone numbers are PHOENIX, ARIZONA area code and KANSAS CITY, MISSOURI area code.
So… that’s what shook out from the speed dating.
At some point, I will need to make a decision as to how I am handling this. The standard assumption would be that I would need to call them to set up a date. Considering the “first date” was a 3 minute rushed conversation; I would traditionally prefer to have either a Coffee Date or a Dinner date to have a deeper conversation. In my head, and partially influenced by the kinds of conversations I’ve been having on dating apps, this comes out as follows:
HER: Hello?
ME: Hi, this is Chris, from the Speed Dating thing. How are you?
HER: Oh hi! I’m good. How are you?
ME: Doing okay, staying busy staying warm. I wanted to reach out as we seem to have matched at the event.
HER: Yup.
ME: The funny thing about the event is that it feels like we didn’t really get enough time to talk; I would love to get the chance to continue our conversation.
HER: That would be great!
ME: I want to make sure I’m respecting your schedule; what would work better for you- a coffee thing on a weekday, a dinner thing after work, what works best for you?

Which- I worry comes off as “Well, he’s not even asking me out properly” or “He isn’t even actually planning” but… I really do want to center their schedules. I don’t know if they have kids or insane schedules, or this is a week where they don’t even have time to BREATHE let alone set time aside to meet a stranger. SO that’s… what I’m thinking. I just… don’t know when I’ll make any of those calls… or to which woman and/or in which order. I know I’ll have to call this week if I don’t want to seem like a creep or an asshole. But then, that again plays into things. Because you can’t set 4 coffee dates for 1 Saturday so… lots to think about as far as logistics on this one.

Speaking logistics, the two big needed “OK, now that I’m unburied” errands to tackle after my fingers came back were both FOOD related. I needed to get something to eat and I really needed to go to the grocery store!

I grabbed Nala and we got drive through on the way to some enrichment for her. It… makes me feel incredibly fat. But then we got home from that and my parents said they were going to call soon. So, stuck around the house for that phone call. THEN finally went out and did Grocery Shopping. By the time I got back from that, it was much later than I realized. So, I moved on to the next IN HOUSE thing. I stripped the bed, remade the bed, and re-filled all of the water jugs for purification. I ate a lil bit of Groc Store sushi for dinner and started the laundry. That’s the practical of it. But, as we know, the mental and emotional of things like that can play the deepest role.

Because when I got home from the grocery store and put everything away, I acknowledged Well, shit! I can’t go to the office at 8:00 on a Sunday night. What? I’ll get maybe an hour or two of work done, turn around come home and stay up late doing everything else? I’m here, I might as well get the HERE stuff finished. I need to at least do laundry so I have clean pants for work since my Kohl’s Online order isn’t here yet.
So, then I get laundry ready and strip the bed. AS I’m stripping the bed, I kick myself again. Oh, look at that! The giant dip in the bed that establishes how old and shitty this mattress is. Weren’t you supposed to check out the final days of a local mattress shop’s sale this weekend? YOU didn’t! And frankly, for lots of reasons, before you get a new paramour (IF you get a new paramour) you’re going to want to switch out that bed. Not only will it be obvious to anyone sighted that the bed needs to be replaced due to the damage to the mattress; if anyone is ever present when the sheets are changed… well… there are some memories that needn’t have physical evidence. Get rid of the mattress. So, I get all of that sorted and put fresh sheets on the bed (but for Nala’s favorite blanket which is the first thing in the washing machine to make sure it is back on the bed before Nigh-Night Time) and get started on laundry. Then I go upstairs and collect all of the trash and recycling from the kitchen and deposit it all where it needs to go. Then, I take the water jugs and sigh a little. See, I know I need to be drinking more water. But the most advanced water filtration system in the State just had a review that said… “if you drank the municipal water in 2024, your odds for cancer went up”. So… when the best is “lethal and negligent” I’m going to continue making sure I put any water through additional filtration. BUT… that means… extra steps. And that’s the sigh. It’s the extra steps for everything these days that are getting to me. I need to fill water jugs, put them through additional filtration, then re-fill the jugs from the filtration system. 1 Gallon of Water equals 3 gallons of work. Then I consider the groceries I bought and the recipes I could try with the food I have plus the food I bought and… additional sigh. I still need to do the dishes from the last recipe I tried. And it’s never “Oh, I’ll just quick wash this one thing.” There’s always so damned much. It’s like… I made a bland, weak dish that will last four to five days. It’s a good thing it required 3 pans, four bowls, and nine utensils! And that’s… everything. That’s every dish. It’s like I have to run the dishwasher every day I cook. So… it makes me not want to cook. Which creates a feedback loop. I don’t want to be fat, so I want to cook. But I don’t want to cook because of all of the extra cleanup. I don’t want to cook because of all of the extra time and energy that goes into making the food. I would just live off of the Kachava and Overnight Oats but that’s creating Clean Up issues as well. I have 1 Overnight Oats maker, so I need to hand wash that every day if I want to use it every day. I have three shakers for Kachava or the Protein Powder but those also need handwashing after every use. And with one of them? I’ve hand washed it three times and I’m still going to put it in the dishwasher until that terrible odor goes away! And I know this is unattractive and whiny but.. yeah. The food portion takes too much extra work. Between proper maintenance of the kitchen, proper water intake, cooking, and clean up.... nights where I actually cook? Let’s say I get home at around 6 pm. KITCHEN SHIT ALONE will take me until 10 pm. It’s asking too much.

And then, as I finish the dishes, I cast my eyes towards the clock and run back downstairs to change out laundry. Realizing that not only did I not go to the mattress store, not only did I not go to church, but I also didn’t go to the theater or to work. So, two places I really wanted to get to this weekend. And I just… this is the kind of thing that sinks into my bones and saps my energy even more. My time management is shit. My energy levels are shit. And they are feeding off of each other. My energy levels make things take longer, if I get to them at all. Not having enough time and energy for shit gets to me, so my energy levels drop. It’s a damned annoying cycle. But… that’s it for MY weekend.

I would really appreciate notes, by the way. If you have recommendations to get out of this cycle or tips on the WHAT NEXT of the speed dating, I’d really appreciate it. Thank you!
If you follow me on socials you’ve seen this but… a… THANK YOU FOR NOTES pic of Nala as she pouts due to her blanket being off of the bed: