Entry 45: Debrief in Much Ado About Nothing

Speed Dating Occurred. I arrived promptly at 6:40 when doors were said to open. The event was to start at 7. I received a numbered card, a name tag, and the number three. I went into the place where people were mingling and decided… I would like to get a drink before I sit down. I went to the bar. It took 7 minutes for the bartender (who had no other customers) to serve me. Immediately after serving me, a different staff member came up to me and said, “If you’re with the group, you need to stay in that lil’ room until I ask you what you want to drink.” So… great. Off to a tremendous start (sarcasm). I got my beer and walked back into the little room. Each table had three numbers on it. The room had 8 tables. Me, being not entirely incompetent, realized that the number we received would likely correlate to the number of our starting position. I walked over to the table that said 1, 2, 3 as my number was 3. Male Number Two was in my chair. I… I know that for most of my life, people have equated me to Niles Crane. I tell you I was using considerable willpower to stifle my inner Niles Crane here! You are in my seat! It isn’t even difficult to figure out where you are supposed to sit and you have deliberately sat NEXT TO your seat and not IN your seat! It is an inconvenience without purpose! Of course, I said none of that. I merely took his seat. And waited. 7:15 hits. Not intending impatience, I realize that the hostess herself isn’t even in the room at this point and the Host/Business Owner of this enterprise is who the judge most wanted me to meet. So, I go to the front. Where she is sitting on a laptop. I politely introduce myself saying that we have a mutual colleague who was excited we could meet tonight. She was very dismissive, which is understandable considering, but also sends a message of its own. At around 7:30, we got started. Women sit. Men move. (Which I realized quickly means the men have ZERO idea about height but the women DO get to see height). The experience was… enjoyable with GLARING flaws.
BIGGEST FLAW that everyone commented on because it significantly hurt the event? There were 20 conversations going on in a room smaller than my living room. People had to be shout to be heard and then people would shout to be heard over that and… the raising volume made it VERY difficult to actually have a sincere conversation towards the end and voices were hoarse. It was bad.
SECOND Biggest Flaw: The whole thing was 20 conversations in 2 hours. So about 3 to 5 minute conversations slammed back to back to back to back to back. And then you hit YES or NO. And if you both say YES, you’ll receive an e-mail (next week) with contact information for each other. EXCEPT I already can’t tell you which name belonged to the woman who works for the Non-Profit versus the name belonged to the woman who works for Immigration Outreach versus the name belonged to the woman with a Spicy Puppy versus the name belonged to the woman who wanted to talk about Broadway. And that’s me RIGHT NOW. If/when I get the list (if there is a list) I’ll have zero fucking clue.

A few interesting stories?

Well, someone did recognize me from court. LUCKILY it wasn’t a Defendant. It was a judge’s clerk. NOW, here’s where it gets tricky. If she says YES to me, she will see that I did not say yes. BUT a lot of my not saying YES was because… work … and JUDGE’S STAFF work. But it was a fun conversation of essentially understanding a nervousness about being recognized!

But of course, the most common exchange of the entire night?
Her: So what do you do?
Me: I’m a Criminal Prosecutor, a Trial Attorney
Her: Oh, so do you work for a firm or something?
Me: No, I’m a government employee.
Her: (flirty) Oh, so when I get in trouble, I can just give you a call?
Me: No. I’m the other guy.

But… we’ll see what happens. When I know, you’ll know.