Being attractive in Journal

Isn’t actually all that great.

People lie to you more.
People are less likely to listen to you.
And while, yes, pretty privilege is a thing, it’s also a thing that people are aware of pretty privilege and some take it upon themselves to dish out their angst about it.

And, one can never be certain that physical attraction isn’t the only reason someone is around.

I can’t have an honest or vulnerable conversation with more than half the population, just by virtue of sex appeal.
You know, when someone is so hot or good looking that their age or marital status starts to not matter to you anymore? I feel like men are like that. They just have a lot less discipline when it comes to an (what they perceive as) available woman. And even if they aren’t, I feel like I’m a temptation that shouldn’t be speaking to them. And women are… Nasty. Mean. Petty. Vicious. Vindictive. Not all women, I’m sure. Just, 99.9%.

Some guy beamed at me at the store today. I smiled back because, you know, I felt like it would be impolite not to. Plus he genuinely had a kind sort of look to him.
Yet I wonder if I should wear my wedding ring. I don’t wear any jewelry; I have extreme chemical sensitivity and can’t tolerate it. No ear rings, no necklaces, no nothing. I can do pure copper. Or silver, or gold, lol.
The wedding ring I have is (I think) Sterling silver, but it used to be hubby’s Mom’s, and it’s too big for me. I end up playing with it because it spins right around and the rock ends up in the palm of my hand. It’s just very distracting, not to mention it will easily fall off somewhere without me noticing.

It’s not that, though. At least I don’t think so. A lot of the time I feel like a magnet. Especially if I am happy. If I am light, and responsive, connected,present. Maybe that’s all it is. In a sea of zombies, it is like a fresh spring day to find someone alive. And not just alive, but vibrant. I do feel like that; like a streak of magical rainbow, however ephemeral, in the lives of dreary drudgery around me.

I need to find other living souls to hang out with.